Well Ladies and Hosers, after a restful weekend, the Hosers go back to work and then some. Like usual, we have been cordially begged to attend many sporting events this weekend to lend our class and grace to the masses and give those poor unfortunate masses the usual "something to aspire to be, only to fail miserably like most of Umaine". Heres what we got on our plate:
Thurs: Men's Hockey vs Um-ass
Fri: Women's Hockey vs BC Beagles
Sat AM: Football vs Some School unworthy of a witty nickname for the sake of mockery
Sat PM: Men's Hockey vs Cambridge Community College Rejects
Sun: Women's Hockey vs BU (aka The 2006 H.E Pottymouth School of the Year)
5 games. 4 days..Bring it
In a rare occurrence I found myself being the 1st and lone Hoser at the gates to our Hoser House of Horrors and I was surprised to see non-hosers contemplating the idea of taking our rightful place by those doors. Now, everyone knows the presence of any true Hoser is a life-affirming, beautiful, and awe-inspiring thing to behold. However, cross one, and you will open the gates of hell to an unspeakable rage that can only be matched by the combined force of Maggie Joyce, Hobey Fornataro, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robbie Barker, and the ghost of Eddie Shore!!! Naturally upon seeing me, they ran away scared and admitted defeat. They were last seen heading towards Tibet. The rest of the afternoon was pretty standard, more Hosers and Hoser allies showed up and an inanimate object dared to challenge the will of our beloved Queen of the Hosers (aka Momma Hoser) Today, it was a metal sharpie with a very pleasant aroma (mmmmm brain cell destroying scent err ummm anyways). Markers that wet themselves over being used for a noble purpose such as sign making will not be tolerated. There was also the ultra rare presence of two thought to be extinct hosers: The Panda-man Hoser, and the infamous Manch-Vegas Hosehead. Both have been on important top secret missions in Concord to enlighten minds of other in NH, and to find the Holy Grail (a solo cup that Steve Savianno allegedly drank from one night)
Go! Go um! Go um-ass! GO UM-ASS!!
The Minutemen were in town, and yes, all the ladies of Amherst have personally confirmed that they all really are Minutemen. But sadly, every once and a blue moon, even a Minuteman can squeeze out a good one.
While the good guys in blue and white started out strong and got to scoring 1st, Um-ass managed to capitalize on our few miscues and used them to thier advantage. The fact that Dave " I got an IQ of 14" Hansen was wearing the zebra suit tonight certainly didnt help us. Some defensive miscues and iffy goaltending wasnt exactly what Hoser Nation had planned either. Late in the game, down 2-1. Hansen apparently witnessed an obvious mirage and penalized UNH for Um-ass's inability to skate over a red line. Um-ass took advantage, and put the game just out of reach. No Hoser will deny that Um-ass earned this game however. An impressive start to thier tough weekend, indeed. (ill even give them sympathy for having to go to the ugly car wreck that is Umaine this weekend) Not a bad game by the good guys though. We all appreciate fighting to the very end, and they did to the best of thier ability. Um-ass may have gotten the win...But at least our name's arent Topher Bevis, Cory Quirk, or David Leaderer.
The epic tale continues tommorow. Will Momma Hoser get vengeance on the marker that soiled her royal hands? Will the band's plot to foil Hoser Nation succeed? (yeah, right), Just how much more cowbell do we need? And will I ever find out why the rum is always gone!? Until tommorow. Oh yeah, the quote of the week will be decided upon the conclusion of the weekend, hey, alot of randomness can come about in 4 days ya know!
Good day, eh!
Rouge
ps. "The Hosers Sing Their Hits: Volume 3" has officially become the 1st ever double triple Gold album in world history
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2 comments:
Possible quote of the week from the Hoser's stuck watching on the net in goonville . . .
UNH TV Announcer: The Umass goalie Quick was sure slow recognizing that one (and I don't think it was intentional)
Darci: I love it. I asked hm what his major was, and he told me, "Geography".
Matt: So...he can take pictures of rocks?
(And the long version is pretty great, too. :) )
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