Yet Another Hoser Epic: The Chronicles of the 2007 Frozen Four

Quote of the Week:
"Gay people don't have a reflection in the mirror"

-Shrader in regards to a pink hat wearing man

Once again, ladies and Hosers, your heroes embarked on yet another great and noble misadventure for the benefit of all mankind that will one day be immortalized by Tenacious D. Despite the Good Guys in Blue being unable to advance to the Frozen Four, Hoser Nation was more than capable to send representatives. Hey, somebody had to be there to police the failures from Orono that were making the trip. Allow me to indulge you with a tale that you will be telling to your children, and their children's children, and will one day be read as a children's book in a class led by one of our own (hey if Terrel Owens can have a a kids book, why can't anyone else outside of Maine).

Day 1:
While several members of this cadre of Hosers (and one BU fan) had already left. Yours truly did not depart until the afternoon where I learned the hard way that a nonstop Manchester to St. Louis flight with Southwest means there will be a stop in Baltimore. After dodging hordes of autograph seekers and sprinting faster than a 6th grader running away from Keith Johnson, I caught up with everyone at Busch Stadium to take in some baseball (unfortunately not our beloved Red Sox). The Mets were kind enough to delay their run scoring efforts until I arrived. By the end of the night, the only thing that could be heard out of the home of the 04 World Series Runners Up was crickets chirping and Darci's teeth chattering. We then returned to our temporary residence and drained the taps dry in a bar where St. Louis Blue's Legend Bernie Federko immortalizes himself.


Day 2:
Wow, Bernie Federko really loves himself a little too much. There are many ways to become a Hoser ladies and gentlemen, go to 122 straight games, continue to support the Good Guys in Blue long after graduating, drive every weekend from Rhode Island to go to games, etc. stealing and then attempting to wear Doc Hoser's pants is not one of them. Strange BU fans and their odd ways. Also a word to the wise people. The service in St.Louis for getting food is not exactly what I call, prompt or for that matter, very effective. We were able to find a living breathing Merrimack fan (yes, they still do exist, this one even had a Merrimack Jersey!) faster than this sad little diner even bothered to serve anyone in the area. So we found an eatery worthy of our presence and just over the horizon, a familiar hairstyle was noticed...Let our Powers of Molson, SNOOOOWWW, tuque, and Labatts combine, and then you get....BARRY MELROSE!!!!!
GO MULLET!!!!! Anyways, on to the games. The Scottrade Center, while a very nice building, unfortunately reeked of Black Bear Scum, as the Mainers were set to put their complementary back-door easy bracket pass into the tournament on the line again Mich St. After the scum of the Earth took an early lead, they made like Aiello, and choked on it. The Sparty's moved on while the Mainers were sent home packing 3 games later than they should have and Keith Johnson would be back in Orono in time to park his van in front of the middle school the next day and wait for the school bells so he could pass out "free candy". Game 2, The North Dakota Fighting (CENSORED!) took on Brokeback College. Even with the Hosers backing the Fighting (CENSORED!), The metrosexuals from Newton took down the (CENSORED!) with a hard earned win. So it would be Mich St vs BC for the title on Saturday. More post game festivities that led to Captain Hoser passing out cold (though he did not require a cuddle session this time around), meanwhile, the BC "faithful" continue to mock a Mich St player in an attempt to be funny, and Bernie Federko continues to stare at his mustache in absolute awe.


Day 3:
Similar beginning to the previous day, only apparently it was "dress up like Godfather Hoser Day"according to our wardrobe malfunction prone BU commrade. The famed Gateway Arch was 1st on our to-do list. In a strange move by this engineers of this park, they made the trams and their doors all Gerbe sized. We then roamed Union Station and found the very Award that will one day finally be renamed "The Matt Fornataro Award". According to the people running the booth, it appeared Mr. Fornataro was not going to make an appearance during the award ceremony because he was up in space cleaning up the atmosphere....with put a package of kleenix. Later that evening we attended the Hobey Baker ceremony and skills challenge. In a startling move of grace and honor, Mr. Fornataro allowed Ryan Duncan to have it this year to make him stop crying over his season being over. In the skills competition, one of UNH's very own Women of the Whitt continued her upstanding record breaking reputation. Also of note, a single Merrimack player managed to score more goals in a single event than every Merrimack player this past season, as well as other seasons past, combined. He of course blew it in the end. Unfortunately, the NCAA continued to outlaw the "Manslaughter relay" event, so Maggie Joyce was there. Then we plundered a local casino for all it was worth...and then lost most it in slots..well, everyone but Doc Hoser.


Day 4:
DAMMIT BERNIE FEDERKO! YOUR MUSTACHE IS NOT THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD!!! Ahem, excuse me. The morning began as any morning should begin in the greater St. Louis area: With a trip to the Anheiser Busch Brewery. Free Beer is an absolutely beautiful thing to behold. After several hours of Captain Hoser and myself attempting to claim that we were the rightful heirs to that wonderful place and that the current owners had to compete for the ownership of it in beerfest like events, we returned to find that our BU commrade had once again, done something simply stunning. See the Current Pink Hat Award Post for info on that tale of wonderment. Now comes the Championship Game. Most within the College Hockey realm, even us Hosers, expected BC to steamroll Mich St. For the 1st and 2nd period, it seemed that might be the case, as the Douchebags carried a 1-0 lead into the 3rd. In Newton they seemed to have the champagne ready. Mich St continued to hang out and find. late in the 3rd, the Sparty's defied the odds and tied things up. So it looked like OT was coming. Low and behold, with 18.9 seconds to go...the choke was on Brokeback College. The Abdelcader slammed home the gamewinner and left everyone in awe at what just happened. Congratulations to the Michigan State Spartans for an absolutely phenominal effort enroute to the 2007 National Title. BC also deserves some credit as well for representing the East well with an equally hard fought effort. But of course this didn't take away from the enjoyment of seeing BC fans suffer in their misery of losing for the second straight year. Another piece of motivational art was distributed around the Chestnut Hill Campus, we happened to obtain one of these pieces that commemorates BC's second place finish and how they have come to terms with the fact that there are just some things in life that Mommy and Daddy cant buy for them nowadays:

Not even Aiello wants to cuddle! The circus freak and his midget teammate were so distraught they couldn't go to work under the big top the next day. The raves were somber, the glow sticks went dark, and the techno music stopped. And elsewhere on Comm Ave, Beancan U began to practice their newest cheer in light of this occassion: F%#@ em up! F&+% em up! BC CHOKED!

Again congratulations to both Mich St and BC for putting on a classic of a game. And so ends another season of college hockey.

By Darci's count, 186 days till Lake Whittemore is open for business again, and also of note, just about a month to go till the end of my UNH tenure. Enjoy the off-season, its been a pleasure to enlighten and mock alot of you (its all been in fun, remember) this year. Until next time as always,

Good day, Eh!

Rouge

PS: We refused to have a statue of Bernie Federko built in Durham despite his ernest wishes.