Quote of the Week: Pretty much anything that Doug said to the sound girl during the course of the "Hey Ya" fiasco
When we last left our beloved heroes, Grandpa was doing his best not to break anymore stuff at the camp, the Kazoo Hosers were attempting to determine if Reebok, Bauer, or Nike would gain the 1st major endorsement deal for their new line of Kazoos, Yours truly was attempting to contact the Surgeon General about the perils of playing Whitesnake at high decibels, OT Hoser was still laughing over the tubing follies of the Captain Hoser, and the Mainers were still continuing to fail at life.
The morning and the hangover came bright and early (for me anyway), and the lords and the masters of the land had a busy day ahead of them. This rigorous and perilous schedule included lounging around the camp, swimming, more swimming, laziness, and a little more swimming....Such a difficult life, but it's not like a Mainer is capable of keeping to this regimen without violating a horse or beating on a baseball team.
Of course, as a means of further training for the upcoming season, the Hosers prepared by beginning a strenuous regimen of the traditional Hoser tests of strategy, deception, and trickery: AKA Card games. Unfortunately these games evolved into a marathon type event that would have easily broken the feeble minded Mainers and would have surely frustrated the Brokeback College bags of douche more than their gambling failures. Of course just as it seemed yours truly was about to claim victory, the Kazoo Hosers promptly began a diabolical plot against those involved in the contest.
13 Hours and several curses, failed attempts, multiple knife attacks by Lowell Slum Scum, and unsuccessful bribery attempts later...I exited the game.
3 days later, the game apparently ended in a stalemate and alas, no victory lap practice for Godfather Hoser.
The aquatic contests began once again and the Hosers fine tuned their skills in the art of simple aquatic athletics. Unfortunately, we were forced to cancel the traditional midget long toss event as our midget traps failed to capture us a Zancanarro or a Gerbe. We even went as far as making a custom made trap in the hopes of catching us a Blaise, as shown here
After much deliberation and debate, it was determined that the MVP of the aquatic contests of the weekend was in fact...Madison the dog...And for the record Grandpa, snapping a noodle into while wearing it like a jock strap is not a feat of strength...
The time came to bid Bow Lake adieu, for it was time for the Hosers to venture to another majestic lake...Lake Whittemore for the 2007 Alumni Game, one of the few times of the year where it was an absolute certainty that the good guys in blue would win no matter what. In a related note, after much research and deliberation, it was determined, that not even Merrimack can muster a win in their own alumni game.
Twas a pleasant site to see the only goalie whose name begins with an exclamation once again( Yeah Jeff). Godfather Hoser also began a campaign to add more Hoser-esque dishes to the concessions menu. His confections were preffered by 10 out of 10 Hosers over most traditional dishes found in the Hoser-Dome...Though Smokey McHoser (yes everyone's favorite chain smoking Hoser has arrived at this point) found it to be blasphemy to put any food above the Nicco-dog.
Now one of the primary purposes of this gathering is for practicing for the upcoming season. And of course one of the most important aspects of any game is the "Hey Ya" ritual. Unfortunately, apparently one of my co-workers didn't appear to understand the cultural importance of several uncoordinated, extremely white, very goofy, and very strange Hosers attempting dance. So the ritual was somewhat delayed but it went off much to the excitement of humanity and to the despair of the Mainers. Of course the photo op was taken, and now you all have another photo to longingly stare at us (yes I know all of you mostly focus on me alone, it's OK to admit it)
And with the final buzzer, Hoserfest 07 came to a close. OT and Grandpa returned to their duties as being the only ray of hope in the desolation of Rhode Island, Godfather Hoser returned to his crime fighting duties on the mean streets of the West side of Manch-Vegas (His new crime drama, "Manch-Vegas" debuts next month), The Kazoo Hosers went back to work on their new album with P Diddy, Yours truly went back to my part time profession as a bounty hunter, Momma Hoser returned to her duties as the unofficial mother to half of Strafford County, and yours truly returned to my duties as the savior of humanity that's too busy with finding a good bar to worry about the world.Thats all from Hoserfest 07, thanks to Darci, her folks, and all the residents of Bow Lake that endured our madness for a great weekend.
In the coming weeks, yours truly will further get you ready for the upcoming season (yes, I'll actually be talking hockey again!) with the new Hoser's Guide to Hockey East Rinks (not to be confused with the book that was ultimately replaced with Mappy McGee). Every rink will get a full Hoser review and guide to survival so all the masses will be fully prepared for the ignorant, inbreed, child molesting, and silver spoon sucking individuals you encounter throughout the Hockey East world. Until then as always,
Good day, Eh!
Rouge
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