5 Games in 4 Days: A Hoser Epic, The Conclusion: Making Sieves Cry

Quote of the Week
Darci: I love it. I asked hm what his major was, and he told me, "Geography"
Matt: So...he can take pictures of rocks?

EDIT
Silver Medal Honor (too good to not post): "It is never wise to upset a grizzly bear, especially when he's been drinking"
-My American Studies Professor...Hopefully by this weekend I'll be able to explain what this means


Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! The final day of the marathon Hoser weekend was a windy one. The waters of the Atlantic Ocean (AKA A-lot) have receded. The Sun is shining again, and Tom Fyrer still sits in the Hoser Dungeon awaiting his date with the stockades and we are still pissed at him. And like usual, when things do not go well in the world of the Hosers; we look towards the Women of the Whitt to set things right in Hoser Nation.

Today, the Women's team played host to the 2006 Hockey East Pottymouth School of the year, none other than BU. Now, we in Hoser Nation already have composed a 200 page report on the infinite shortcomings of these unfortunate souls so we were not short on material in terms of mockery from the start. When your fanbase holds a strange obsession with BC to the point they include them in their cheers even they are not even playing BC, and the initials of your school can be used against you in so many manners, not to mention your fans are so needlessly foul mouthed, you have to make rules against profanity and then having the rest of the country making fun of you for it after they see it on the news, you really dont need much else more to work with. But like always, BU just continues to add on to that list on a regular basis. Today was no exception.

The BU women's hockey team is truly just a sad, sad tale. Not only are they a club team that continues to live the lie that they are an actual division 1 women's team (denial is such an ugly thing sometimes) and they do not even have the right to play their own school's brand new arena! This team is confined to the sewer catacombs better known as the Walter Brown Arena. Hoser Scholars maintain that the members of this team are rarely allowed to leave the basement of that arena and are kept on a steady regimen of raw fish (not sushi, but fish pulled right out of the Charles River). How this lifestyle actually breeds success is not completely known, but hey, let them try it out and see how they do against our girls......like nobody already knows what will happen.

Not surprisingly, we struck 1st. What happened next is one of every good Hoser's objectives while at a game, and its also one of the worst things an opposing player good possibly do. BU's goaltender allowed us Hosers in attendance to see her frustration over her obvious inability to stop the NH offense. Tsk Tsk, bad dog, not a good idea. From then on out, this unfortunate soul was our prime target.

Armed with our standard array of self esteem destroying cat-calls (no pun intended). We proceded to remind her of the sad fact that she is a sieve. She was born one, she still is one, and she will probably die a sieve. No amount of dirty looks she directed towards our group could deter our efforts as usual. The more she made her frustration obvious, the more we put our Hoser magic to work. Strangely enough, Hoser magic could not prevent one such Hoser from being fooled by her t-shirt in terms of exactly what side was the front and what was the back. After a lengthy and slightly difficult struggle with said t-shirt, Momma Hoser corrected this malfunction and got back to work with taunting this sieve. When the game was clearly in hand, the terrier sieve limped her way over to the bench and let the tear ducts spill out on the shoulder of her head coach. My ice crew comrades were forced to come out on to ice to mop up the gargantuan puddle that she had created while bauling her eyes out. After receiving a big hug and being told by the coach that was still special, in her own way still pretty, and that she did not look fat in those hockey pants she found her way back to the goal and endured the rest of the afternoon. The final buzzer went off, and surprise surprise, another women's win, another shutout win, and another vicious Maggie Joyce beatdown that could make Dracula wet his pants. No matter how much BU's coach complained, we arent going anywhere, we certainly wont stop reminding her and the rest of the world of the fact we are just too cool for our own good, and that nobody was going to let them out of that basement they live in anyday soon no matter how much it may smell.

The weekend score added up to a modest 3 wins out of 5 for our teams. Not bad, not exactly great though. The ideal weekend for the Hosers would be a complete sweep of UNH victories, Matt Fornataro stopping the terrorists (which he did with nothing more than a bow and arrow made of a rubber band, a pen, and a paper clip) BC finally giving up on clinging to the legacy of Doug Flutie like its their last breath (no disrespect to Mr. Flutie, any Hoser owes the man a molson for his time with the Pats), the return of the Quebec Nordiques, Winnipeg Jets, and Hartford Whalers to the NHL, and the United States of America finally kicking the state of Maine out of the union and Canada not even accepting them.

Well ladies and Hosers, thank you for staying tuned to this special weekend edition of the Hoser Nation blog. The Hoser Express rides again this weekend when we make our way down Huntington Ave to old Matthews Arena and reclaim our litter-box territory.

Good day and Happy Halloween, eh!
Rouge