NUtering Huskies and dodging death on Mass Ave

Quote of The Week:
"I was definitely in a little slump. I don't know how to explain it. It felt like I lost my virginity."
-Brett Hemmingway

Live from Hoser Tower, its the Hoser Home and Home report! The inaugural reports features the Boston school that everyone forgets, the Huntington Avenue Learning Annex Huskies were coming to town and then we would be paying them a visit the next night.


Game 1 of the weekend tilt had these regularly NUtered dogs trekking the perilous waters of Lake Whittemore within the hostile confines of the Hoser-Dome. The Huskies were coming off an unusually great weekend in the cess-pool of the West (that is of course Michigan to those from Mich St and Ohio St..Maine holds that title in the East) and of course the good guys in blue had themselves a tough weekend after the debocles against Yale and Um-ass (Tom Fyrer has since been brutalized by the Maine Hockey team after we disguised in baseball attire and exiled him in Maine). Despite the good weekend they had in Ann Arbor, NU continued their trend of being the cure for the uncommonly bad weekend for Hoser Nation. Before we get into the game. It must be noted that a pair of our more beloved (one of them is notably one of our most profanic) Hosers, overcame a tremendous obstacle during their treacherous journey towards glorious Lake Whittemore. Nick and Erin (aka Granpa Hoser and PinkHatHater) unfortunately had to drive through the riverside urban wasteland that is Lowell on their way here. In a clear and poorly constructed assassination attempt, a lowly Mainer attempted to take out these noble Hosers in a shotty hit and run. While their vehicle was destroyed in a fiery explosion, the Hosers survived, captured said Mainer, strapped him to a dog sled, and made the sad abomination of nature pull them the rest of the way. It should also be noted that they hunted and killed a river pigeon for food and even had enough leftovers to feed the entire student section. For their efforts, dedication, and resourcefulness, they earned the Hoser Silver Molson Medal of Honor. Such an honor has only been issued to the likes of Bruce Willis, Tom Brady, Curt Schilling, Abraham Lincoln, Fornataro (7x winner), MacGuyver, Maggie Joyce, and Chuck Norris.

On to the game, Trevor "Mayor of Hoser Nation" Smith continued his campaign for greatness with a 2 goal and 1 assist effort. After spending a better part of the week wearing the proverbial dunce cap, Hemi and Mr. Regan broke out of their slumps and turned out excellent efforts. This evening's sieve continued to show that the Hosers are still the leading cause of depression and outright failure (not that anybody from Northeastern ever needed any help with failure) among sieves by giving up an early barrage of goals in the 3rd period. It should also be noted that the hex has once again regained its voodoo like prowess. It should also be noted that Matt "I make Arnold Schwarzenegger look like Macauly Culkin" Fornataro scored 2,000,000,000 goal in his 200 year career which secured his seventh AL Gold Glove, 10th Heisman trophy, and 17th Nobel Peace Prize. Friday Night's final: 6-3 good guys. All us Hosers left with almost no voices left as we put on a concert of sorts singing rock and roll part II with multiple encore requests (like the way it should be).

Game 2 and the Hoser Express rides again! The Hoser Express underwent some serious rennovations over the off season as it now comes complete w/fire fighter gear, heavy duty flash lights, fire lights, and most of all a glass bottom view in the back seat area! (It is recommended however to not put any objects near this glass bottom area if you want to keep them..and feet as well or other appendages) Upon crossing into the abysmal-ness that is Massachusetts we were greeted with a 30 mile traffic jam as a result a of a staged accident setup by the Mass State Police so that everyone from Peabody to Saugus could revel in our great presence. Now once we entered the Boston city limits, us 4 hosers decided to do some unplanned scouting around the Mass Ave/Commonwealth Avenue area of Boston. This intelligence mission ensured that we Hosers knew exactly where we were going come February for when we visit the miniature toy poodles of BU. After relizing our mission was cutting us close on time, we made a death defying high speed drive to NU while dodging enemy pedestrians, poorly parked cars, and Massachusetts drivers in general. The carnage was an unbelievable site and it would make the most hardcore demolition drivers crawl into the fetal position and cry like a BU Woman's goalie (we did stop by to offer our condolences to her and refer her to an excellent psychiatrist for her Hoser induced depression). After making many calls to numerous sources, we 4 decided to make various turns that inevitably did eventually bring us to old Matthews Arena. With our territory having already been marked in the parking from visits long ago, we made a long mad dash towards the rink. There were few survivors that dared to stand in the path of our raging stampede to the doors. After a minor issue at the door (personally, I think being the elite and brilliant Hoser I am, tickets should only be a mere formality) the whole Litterbox crew gathered under our glorious banner in the Old Matthews Arena balcony.

Our opposing fan base was of course the Dog house and like usual they attempted to compensate for their clear and debilitating inability to form coherent and intelligent taunts by using plastic horns and primitive hand gestures using the ever so classy middle finger. A small contingency also had an obvious oral fixation as they repeated the word "sucks" after everything we said. We were rather disappointed our friends from our last visit were not present (apparently they relized the whole "average white homeboy" gimmick was about as intelligent as the average Proviced student, not very at all).

Anyways, on to the game. While the Huntington Ave Learning Annex did technically score 1st, their scorekeeper however practiced the rarely seen act of courtesy and respect given to Hosers for their inspiring presence of giving us the 1st goal of the game rather than taking the goal they actually scored. After much debate and assisting the scorekeeper putting the circle block with the circle portion of his child's puzzle, the score was set right...But it did not last...The good guys in blue got on the board without any courtesy points from the opposition with the usual tally from Mayor Smith, and some more help from Murray and Fritch. An abnormally large assist should be given to the litterbox as it was our rendition of Oh, Canada that inspired the offense to start a scoring assault that would make the entire Great White North proud to be loosely affiliated with us NH Hosers. Mr.Regan also returned to doing what he does best: Stopping opposing shooters to the point they just give up being hockey players and become mold farmers deep in Siberia. Different night, different building, same pleasant result. We proved to be the best when it came to serenading others with our rendition of Rock and Roll part II. We left old Matthews the way we like to leave any visiting arena; victorious, with opposing fans crying in their own filth while flipping us off in the usual futile manner, and with them questioning their very purpose in the world. After a slight detour over the Charles River we had a rare celebrity sighting just before the Tobin Bridge. The Wicked Witch of the West and her gargantuan nose had apparently made a visit to Boston that evening. After giving her a few autographs and the name of a good plastic surgeon. We rode off into the moonlight after a successful 1st road trip of the year.


Definetly a good way to get back on track and an even better start to the road trip season. We Hosers still love that dirty water, but we love winning down by the banks of the River Charles even more. Another tough weekend ahead, the BU pottymouths will enter the Hoser-Dome friday and then we brave the horrors and obvious failures that are the Mainers of Orono. Get some rest hosers, another weekend of bringing greatness to the world (yes, even Orono) awaits.

Good day, eh!
Rouge