The Pretend Season and Hoser Tailgating

This hoser is still recovering from a crazy 4-day work week that involved around 30 or so hours of being locked in the whitt. But like always, time was made for a healthy dose of some hoser fun.

After being given a temporary release from the whitt, the time came to show the world how morning tailgating should be done: With pancakes courtesy of Momma Hoser and some specially made hot chocolate and coffee (hint, the secret ingredient was not love). Many hoser dignitaries joined us in the early morning festivities (at least it still felt early to me). Many would say tailgating should be done with poorly cooked meats and with cheap beer that makes drinking water fresh out of Lowell look like wine tasting. We the hosers say out of such unevolved methods, In with the pancakes and Irish-ed up beverages!

Then we finally made our way over to not-so beautiful Cowell Stadium and discovered we were being followed by some of the most undignified, uncultured, and just plain useless wastes of seating at any sporting events: no, not the entire state of Maine, nor the common BC Deusch Bag or even the BU miniature poodle is this bad (well Mainers are worse than them truth be told). The UNH pep band followed us to the brand new student section, obviously drawn to our aura of greatness. Inspite of the hangover inducing noise pollution, the hosers marched on and eased the pain of other UNH'ers with our presence and gave TV cameras something worth focusing on instead of the band. Armed with all 16oz of "kool aid" and even more "hot chocolate" we endured the band and at times gravity to witness some history.

Mr. David Ball got touchdown catch #51 thus breaking Jerry Rice's Div 1 AA football record. Clearly this momentus occassion is one of the best things to happen to Durham since the establishment of Hoser Nation and Matt Fornataro's discovery of fire and water. UNH, of course walked away victorious despite Richmond's deliusional idea that they possibly could win. While they did have a lead at one point, once catch #51 happened, victory was as sure as a Mainer wanting to have un-healthy relations with thier horse. It was pretty strange seeing a game at Cowell that had UNH scoring less than 50 points and a game worth staying all 4 quarters for though. I dont mind the occassional blowout though, it means less time around the band.

The next stop on the Royal Agenda, was the Whitt for the 1st game of the pretend season for men's hockey. While I could join my fellow hosers in the special row, I did get to witness portions of the game from my secondary piece of real estate in the building. The St. Frank of Xavier X-men were in town and there was at least a guarantee of the locker room being trashed (they are called the X-men, but as my fellow hosers pointed out, no sign of Wolverine any where, very disappointing). The game itself, was mostly kinda ugly. Since it was the 1st game of the pretend season, I guess inconsistancies should be expected, but losting to that team 3-2 was not expected nor is it legal in the Hoser court of law. To thier credit, Xavier's goalie stood on his head and did back flips and more to keep the puck out of the net. The offense poured it on in the 3rd period but still got nowhere. Some bad bounces went against the good guys as well. Even the scorekeeper couldnt get his stories straight cause apparently one of our own guys managed to get one for Xavier (Maybe he graduated from the Ryan Whitney Hockey Academy?) In the end, all we Hoser faithful could say was WTF mate? But remember, it is the preseason (or the pretend season as defined in Hoser Law) and these games dont determine anything at all. On a more positive note, my campaign for Whitt Employee of the Year began courtesy of the special row and I managed to climb a ridiculously tall ladder w/out falling or succumbing to paralyzing fear.

Next game, the US-under 18's come to town looking for someone to buy beer for them and possible prom dates. Fear not Ladies and Hosers, I will be back in action in the special row for the evening. Until then, time to catch up on some sleep, working around 30 plus hours on less than 5 hours worth of sleep in 4 days can get ya.

Good Day, eh!
Rouge
Prime Minister of the Hosers, and soon to be 2006 Whitt Employee of the Year