Desperately Looking for I-95 while Spaying the Huskies

New! Quote of the Week:
"Who needs GPS? We have my Indian friend!"
-Nick

Yes Ladies and Hosers, its that time once again to make that drive down Mass Ave to face our adversaries at the Huntington Avenue Learning Annex. But that was not all that we were gracing the streets of Boston with. In the immortal words of the great habitual line stepper, Rick James: "It's a celebration bitches." On this day, we would celebrate the anniversary of the birth of Grandpa Hoser himself. This occasion required a level of secrecy and deception that makes double secret probation look easier than a UVM puckbunny. Several covert agents lost their lives for attempting to infiltrate and otherwise disclose such classified information. The plan was of course successful, and it went off without a hitch.

After some daring and creative navigational maneuvers that involved cutting off a duck boat to find a parking spot, Our lovely Queen and yours truly made our way across town on the Royal Hoser Boston Carriage (better known as the Green Line). On a side note, it was our Queen's 1st time driving that far into Boston, and despite the city's best efforts to otherwise confuse her, she succeeded.

Upon arrival, billiard balls went flying, the liquor flowed like the river Charles (not nearly as dirty though),and Grandpa Hoser shared with us his classic stories of when he fought in the Hoser War of 1993 in the Yukon and of the time before the Great Hoser Revolution of 2003. He was presented with a Hoser lifetime achievement Award....And the mandatory handle of Jose Cuervo so he can proceed to forget more recent parts of that lifetime. But, he was not the only one with an upcoming birthday that required celebration. With Momma Hoser's birthday coming up, it would have been a crime punishable by being ordered to sit next to the UNH pep band for an entire game, if we did not acknowledge such an important event. We ate, we drank, we drank some more, we nearly got taken out by some billiard balls, we danced the dances, we had some more drinks, I had some tequila I probably shouldn't have had, and we were merry..But there was work to be done down the road.

We Hosers always enter old Matthew's expecting the traditional "Litterbox vs Dog House" war. Normally such a battle is a joy to participate in and we always win of course....This evening was barely worth the price of admission as it seemed like us Hosers outnumbered the Dog House 3 to 1! The few fans they had were about as useful as a turn signal is to a Mass-hole. It was a sight comparable to that of our last adventure to BC when their fans were too busy spooning with one another to care about the game.

On to the game, and what a game it was.....not really though..Mr. Kapstad started things off with a bullet of a slapshot that got him his 1st goal in NH blue and it also started the slow and eventual movement of the NU faithful towards the exits. Those same people then made their ways to the Tobin Bridge when the likes of Hemmingway and Fortney gave NU 2 more reasons to just give up and stick to....err ummmmm something else they might have skill in that no one else does...whatever that maybe. NU fans were waiting for a miracle, something that would keep them from walking right off that Tobin Bridge...Instead, Mr. Regan showed them the way down with a friendly nudge over the edge in the form of another solid night between the pipes. The final from the frozen barn in Boston: Good guys 3, Huntington Ave Learning Annex 1, and we leave the Huskies completely NU-tered for the season like usual....But that was not the end of the evening for us...not by a longshot.

Myself and Momma Hoser were unable to partake in postgame activities so we decided to make our way back to New Hampshire. Now, we were able to overcome a wrong turn or 2 on the way into Boston, but this time around it would be one wrong turn that would set us up for a very long drive home. For the record, for future reference, and for the love of David Hasselhoff! NEVER EVER TAKE A LEFT TURN WHEN LEAVING THE LECHMERE STATION PARKING LOT!!!!! THE RESULTS WILL BE DISASTEROUS!!!!. In a clear cut Anti-Hoser conspiracy (I blame BU on this one) involving misleading signs and generally poor signage, we were mislead into thinking the route we were currently on would lead us to 93...Which it didn't. And just as we thought we had recovered enough to take route 1, it became all too clear we had been setup...Route 1 disappeared, and we found ourselves in a place I once swore I would never return to....Dear sweet, mother of Fornataro, we were in Lynn!!! Most would just give up and surrender their wallets to the 1st slummer to walk by, but we had the answer to this predicament ready and at our disposal...and no, it did not involve a steel pipe and a few road flares. This plan required careful strategy and intricate genius...In other words, we called the Hoser of State, and he mapquested our arses out of there as fast as humanly possible. Driving at Hoser Warp Speed, we escaped the perilous back streets of Lynn with our wallets and all our organs still intact and found our way back on I-95.......55 Lynn slummers lost their lives during the course of our misadventure...all of them were justifiable homicide.

Well Hosers, that's the last time we may grace the arena's of Beantown till 2007 and the last road trip till our great journey to Florida. See you all back at the Hoser Dome Tuesday when the spokesmen for Trojan Condoms and the perennial guardians of the Hockey East cellar, Merry-Mack come to town. Until then as always,

Good day, eh
Rouge

ps: After careful deliberation and well planned thought, I, the Prime Minister of the Hosers in conjunction with the Queen of the Hosers herself, hitherforth decree that any and all transportation to Boston shall be the duty of one, Andrew "Rent-a-Hoser" Carrol. So it is written, so it is done...NOW GO FORTH AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!!!