Merrimack....The Hockey East Charity Case

Quote of the Week:
THAT IS THE FACE OF ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!!!!
-Rob

Here I am, rock you like a hurricane once again Ladies and Hosers. As of late, our beloved good guys in blue have faced some very tough competition...And we have made them look almost as foolish as a Mainer who believes he has a hope to make something of himself. This week however, we find ourselves facing down the complete opposite of those teams as of late. And few teams have taken failures to new heights quite like the Merrimack regional vocational school Warriors.

Not even an obvious sponsorship with Trojan Condoms can buy them a way out of the obscurity they have perpetually lived in since the dawn of time. Some teams have to go through a few seasons of being in the cellar before they can make it to the to. Merrimack fell down the stairs, lost the key, and have been locked in the cellar ever since.

But hey, as the whiteboard says, "At least your better than NU, right?.....right?"

After dealing with some incredibly inconsiderate people who obviously were raised in a barn to the point where they were awarded the obscure "doorstop of the year" trophy. We entered our beloved building to find out if Merrimack was truly better than NU...From the start, we had doubts. Upon entering the Hoser-Dome, we felt a familiar aura of greatness...Broken Ankle and all, the Legendary Black Bear Killer Steve Saviano made a long awaited return to Durham from his time abroad. Unfortunately, he was unable to pay us a visit..Probably because he was busy explaining to the many Swedish ladies he has accumulated why he had to return America over the phone, and maybe sign a few historic accords here and there.

Right off the bat, the good guys in blue were caught off guard by Merrimack's un-orthodox playing style...Using some sort of new age psychology, they must have figured UNH wouldn't know how to play against a team who plays more like a squirt team down at Jackson's Landing after playing so many good teams in a row. Strangely enough, it seemed to work for a short while...That is until, Matt "Jack Parker think I'm the reaper" Fornataro used his super telepathic mental abilities that make Steven Hawkings look like a Mainer in a special ed class to see through their cheap tactics.....From there it was just another night of reminding Merrimack that they are and always will be the lost cause of the east.

The latest erectile dysfunction spokesman, Andrew Brathwaite, was on the receiving of a savage offensive beatdown this time around. Obviously Merrimack, tried to emulate Vermont by sending a freshman in to take a cruel and unusual beating. When will they learn which schools are the right ones to imitate for success? Well...Actually they imitated how the Mainers, BC, and CC played against us pretty well this time around.

The Good guys in blue made some pretty accurate statements with each shot they put past this sad unfortunate frosh that was fed to the lions. And here are accurate summaries of each statement:

Goal #1 Mr. Pollastrone reminded Merrimack that Division III could be a suiting location for their type futility

Goal #2 Mr. Hemmingway told them that a working partnership with a major condom manufacturer does not always guarantee the best defense

Goal #3 His suaveness Mr. Ciocco told them that they have had this whole Hockey thing wrong all along, its not like golf at all! You have to have MORE goals than the other guys to win

Goal #4 Mr. Butler showed that anyone can overcome being shorthanded in resources and still score...Unless your from Maine...Then your life will be nothing but broken promises and bitter failures

Goal #5 Mr. Vinz mocked them at the fact that he only has 2 goals thus far this year and yet he is outscoring the leading scorer on Merrimack.

Mr. Regan just kinda stood between the pipes and seriously wondered why Merrimack hasn't called Bertagna to drop out of the conference yet and if he had left the coffee pot on back home....Not like anything was gonna come close to getting past him tonight.

Sooooo, Maybe Merrimack isn't better than NU...so sad, too bad.

Another night, another team bites the dust, another night of cringing at the bands cruel use of auditory abuse..But we got cake! So all is good, now everybody PROVI-DANCE!!! Get ready to hide the froshes Hosers, the Cat-a-frauds come to town Sunday. Until then as always

Good day, eh
Rouge