Conquering the Jersey Turnpike: The Hosers have arrived!

Spending nearly 30 hours in a car, driving through the abyss better known as the Southern US, moronic drivers from Virgina, traffic as far as the eye can see, and being trapped on the infamous Jersey Turnpike.....Yeah, been there, did that, Jersey Sucks.

That was what we noble Hosers had to deal with over the last day and a half in the name of hockey. Rest assured Ladies and Hosers, we are alive, well, and settled in at our beachside resort listening to the mighty Atlantic sing us a song through the waves about how the Mainers suck.

But we went through alot to take that 1st swim in the ocean, be warned though, this tale will make the Lord of the Rings trilogy look like a trip to the store to get some milk.

In a series of systematic congregations, we all gathered on the day after Christmas (Every Hoser got exactly what they asked for, and the Mainers are still digging themselves out of the mountain of coal Santa dumped on them), and saddled up for that would be the single most epic trek we have ever made in modern Hoser History (even longer than the time I climbed Everest with Yacobson and Kirk Manke to find the Lost Golden Molson of Gordie Howe).

It began in Conneticut with a questionably slow to update GPS system. We were presented a truly saddening site. Some poor soul made the unwise decision to align himself with not only the Cat-a-Frauds of UVM, but also with SLU(T). While we were really baffled at this retardation inducing site, we theorize he is in reality a double agent that secretely transports UVM Froshes to safety in NY so that they can be spared a fate almost as bad as being a Black Bear in Maine: Being a frosh in Burlington, VT. Plenty of husky lady sightings as well, except that these husky women have records that at least match .500

IN case you didnt get the hint in the first paragraph or so, New Jersey is a barren wasteland so tragic, that even the uber douche's of NY wont even take them in. Need I present any further proof of this than our time spent on the New Jersey Turnpike. What would have taken us 5 min to move at any other major roadway, took us nearly 3 hours! Throw in your typical drivers from the NY/NJ area showing typical NY/NJ courtesy, and a few generally stupid people from Virgina that made Mass drivers look like little old ladies on Scooters. After barrelling through the traffic at full speed and kicking the crap out of the entire New Jersey Devils team (especially Gionta and Clemmenson...cough cough BC Douche Bags!! ahem apologies) we entered a strange and mysterious land known as Delaware......What is the point of Delaware anyway?!? Did New Jersey knock it out of the dodgeball game early and they aren't allowed back in? It might as well have been called Sub-New Jersey since we encountered the same kinda traffic and same kinda dullards on the road.

In Baltimore we encountered far fewer people on the road, and we made a point to stop by Camden Yards to show the few Orioles fans left in that city that there is still some hope after all, the Sox will be sure to play there a couple of times this year. They can always watch Dice-K pick the Orioles apart one gyroball at a time and see what a real ballclub that doesnt have Cal Ripken Jr can truly succeed.

Virgina and North Carolina was pretty much a blur to most of since a majority of us were pretty much dead to the world....Mostly her majesty though.

South Carolina: Got to see that whole "South of the Border" thing and more signs advertising a 24 hours strip joint than I have ever seen. We also updated the world of USCHO live from out stop in this state. The Queen is still pretty much out cold, and spared her the traditional "shaving cream and feather" trick. But dont tell her about the black rings around her eyes artically placed on her while she slept.

Georgia....Ive been there before and it actually is a nice state, but you cant really appreciate it when its blanketed in darkness and while your in a sleep deprived delirium.

FINALLY! Florida!!!!! and I even managed to grab an hour or two of napping...We arrived to the traditional ticker tape parade complete with media coverage from 24 different countries. Our 1st stop of course was a dunk into the Atlantic Ocean. Consequently, as a result of that trip into the ocean, The entire Atlantic Ocean is now considered Holy Water (except the parts touching Maine)

Well its time to get back to our Hoser get-away, complete with a meal cooked by Momma Hoser herself (Remember, dont tell her about those black rims we drew around her eyes!........wait, she might read this......RUNAWAY, EH!!!) We get a day of enjoying all that Fort Meyers has to offer, then we take on the Corned Big Ded friday

Good Day. eh
Rouge