When we last left our story, we mighty Hosers had just conquered another scurge of humanity; the Jersey Turnpike and successfully made it to Florida much to the delight of a state desperately in need of a hero...Like always, there we were, rock you like a hurricane so on and so forth. We were facing a tough regimen of sunshine, beaches, warm weather, cool breezes, and beautiful scenery. Hey, its a tough job, but its not like anybody from BU could be smart enough to handle it. Just look Chris Bourque's gpa before he left.Once we settled down and made camp in what is now forever known as "Hoser Tower South" (book your reservations now for the exclusive and luxiorious Prime Minister's Suite while you can!) Many of our group went to ensure the safe arrival of the recently dubbed Captain Hoser, while I stayed behind to nurse a debilitating cold. Yes I went to Fla with a cold, I traced the illness's origins back to my most recent night of defending the NH border from illegal Mainers attempting to enter the Granite State so they might have a chance of enjoying that lovely thing we have had but they will never have: Hope. Of course none passed. I believe I forgot my jacket that night, so thats probably where the cold came from.
With most of the Hosers present and accounted for, we set out to commadere a ship so Grandpa Hoser could show us the age old art of hunting the ever dangerous, endangered, and elusive Blade Tailed Hoser-Shark. This beautiful and intelligent creature is believed to be the last known descendent of the monsterous Hoser-Saurus Rex. It is widely known that this creature was the cause of the extinction of the other Dinosaurs...Then he met
Maggie Joyce, and we know how that went down. Anyways, we successfully commadered a boat for the mere price of 6 Mainers and about $10. While we did not see the Hoser Shark, nor any Dolphins. We were offered some real estate along the coastlines such as the one pictured to your left (your other left you Dumb Mainers reading this..yes you..Morons) for absolutely no charge at all! While we were tempted by the generous offers, we had to decline, because they gave us no guarantees of snow nor real changes of seasons that we Hosers love our beloved and beautiful New Hampshire for. So after pillaging a few more random boats for whatever plunder we could find.....Yes we took the rum, we made our way back to the island for another hearty meal courtesy of our beloved Queen. Then we prepared for what is now becoming an even bigger event than every Nascar race put together: The 1st Annual Hoser Invitational Golf Tournament. While, we Hosers are reknowed for our traditional golfing skills..We have been banned from playing in regular courses after several incidents involving Golf Carts and Hunting Gophers despite having a license to kill Golden Gophers issued by the US Gov't. So they shut down an entire mini Golf Course for our enjoyment. It truly was golfing at its finest. While some of the Hosers did not seem to understand my brilliant strategy of intentionally difficult locations such as I did on my very first shot, I felt it worked very well for me. Captain Hoser and Rent-A-Hoser showed that even drunken and generally disoriented peoples can sink amazingly difficult holes-in-one. It was noted by the Hoser of State, that somewhere in one of the caves, Tiger Woods was hiding and taking notes on our superb short game. Despite Team "Tuscon"'s best efforts that shattered all golfing records, Team "Elantra" managed to break more records and claimed victory. For their efforts they received the Matt "Florida Should Have Just Voted For Me Rather Than Mess Up That Election" Fornataro Trophy. We then returned to our home away from home to rest up.
Stay tuned Hosers, we will actually be talking about Hockey for the 1st time in a while in Part II of this magnificent epic. until next time as always,
Good Day, eh
Rouge
ps. Vote Smokey McHoser in 2007! He will work to get the State of Maine sent out to sea...preferably to the Bermuda Triangle or the Arcitc.
This message is paid for by Hoser Nation
1 comment:
team elantra is still waiting for beer
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