Quote of the Week:
"Let my Hosers go!"
-Moses Hoser telling the unappreciative and uncooperative individuals behind to allow the Hosers to do our thing and make life better for all.
Its that time of the year again Ladies and Hosers, its time for the Hosers to grace the city Godfather Hoser calls home and the city where yours truly was born and called home ice for many years, Manch-Vegas once again played host to the annual tilt between the Good Guys in Blue and the Dartmouth Gang-green for Granite State Supremacy (yes, believe it or not, Dartmouth is still part of NH)
While yours truly has many fond memories of dominating the many rinks of Manch-Vegas with the notorious Baron Von-Hosehead the 16th (who is still out on his top secret Hoser Mission to discover the Meaning of life as well as to discover the greatest rum recipies on Earth), the Good Guys in Blue and the Hosers in general do not always enjoy playing at the house on the corner of Elm and Granite as it is often filled with spectators who are about as lively as a realistic Merrimack fan.
But in the traditional gesture of goodwill, we always make our presence felt to show our misguided, spoiled, and terribly dorky New Hampshire bretheren just how a college hockey fanbase is supposed to work. Unlike most of our opponents, Dartmouth can actually hang there hats on two things:1. The cinematic classic "Animal House" was based off Dartmouth's days of yore
2. Keggy the Keg, well not anymore, as you see to the right, Keggy now proudly resides in Durham now!
Before we get into the events of our night in Manch-Vegas, It should be noted that the UNH Women's Hockey team hit a huge milestone this weekend. Not only did they sweep the Mainers right out of the Hoser-Dome, but they claimed their 600th victory in the 30 year history of the program. We are very fortunate to have the winningest US Women's College Hockey Program on our side, and we tip our tuques to you ladies. Also, Maggie Joyce claimed her 2,000,000,000th victim this evening and for her on going rampage, she received the bronzed head of her very 1st victim: a T-Rex.
Meanwhile, back in Manchester. The Hosers occupied their usual designated location, in the nosebleeder, oxygen depriving seats expecting at least to be among other UNH students who knew the whole routine. Instead, we got a group of old waspy people and some obvious high schoo failures whose mother's left them on the corner of Bridge St years just after birth. Rather than accepting traditions and the fact they were in the UNH student section, they whined like a fairy boy from Brokeback College at Chestnut Hill to event staff, and we were forced to concede. But it was not all a lost cause, for we were graced with a truly rare honor. Herr Gibber, whom we shall give the "tryout" Hoser name of Moses Hoser, took the evening off from his usual photography magic, to join us in the front row!
The 1st period pretty much bored we Hosers into comas, and even more travesties occurred around us as Smokey McHoser and his presidential entourage were forced to relocate as well as Sir Cowbell and Kazoo Hosers 1 and 2. In response to such travesties, the Kazoo Hoser Brothers played their secret leopard call on their trusty Kazoos, and the whiny individuals continued to whine like babies as they were mauled by a pack of leopards.
2nd period...Better. Mr. Micflikier showed the gang-green's not so Devine sieve the fastest way to the back of the net. And things were good..Until Dartmouth decided they liked things better when tied (unfortunately the goal was not scored by the combination of any Dartmouth player assisted by Swallow, Johnson).
Into the 3rd we go, and Mr. Suave left the Dartmouth Sieve in absolute awe of the failure that he truly was. And as if he wasnt in awe enough at that point, Mr. Kapstead and Hemmingway each added tallies so pretty, that the poor sieve was left in a schizoid depression that made him believe he was in fact Napoleon. If the great philosophizer, Senator Bluto Blutarsky were still with us today, he would recommend the sad sieve to start drinking heavily, because he just lost another one to the Good Guys in Blue.
So despite being forced to sit among some uninteresting and unworthy individuals, we Hosers walked away triumphant once again. Rest up Hosers, its time to extract some revenge on the class-less peons of Zoo-Mass next weekend! Also a new segment will be introduced next week since the 1st week of classes is really pointless. Send us your questions and comments (leave them as comments on the blog) as it will be the 1st ever Hoser-Mail-call special, where we will answer the questions about Smokey McHoser's campaign, the rumors about the Hosers movie, and the speculation that I am dating Jessica Alba, Maria Sharapova, and Scarlet Johansson at the same time! Until then as always,
Good day, eh!
Rouge
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