Zoo-Mass, now theres a real riot

Quote of the week:

"I do not have a sausage up my ass!"
-Erinn in response to Nick's desires to have a sausage after wishing the Whitt sold them.

Riddle me this, riddle me that Ladies and Hosers, how many Um-ass students does it take to screw in the lightbulb? One to actually screw in the lightbulb, and then the remaining student population to riot because the lightbulb was too bright for them. Once again, the pride of New Hampshire, goes against the forgotten children of Massachusetts. There was some competition for quote of the week right off the bat. I think the whiteboard said it best when her majesty wrote "It's good to be home." After a month worth of trekking the globe from Fort Meyers to Vermont, and then to Manchester, we were finally back in the mighty Hoser-Dome. And on this evening in the Hoser-Dome there was one thing, and only one thing on the mind of the Hosers, the rest of the UNH faithful, and the Good Guys in Blue: Revenge. During the infancy of the season, Um-ass managed to squeak out a contraversial win. Today would be very different, very very different.
Of course we had to get power back before we could get such revenge. 4 hours into the outage, they finally asked me for help, which of course I solved the problem and endured a 500,000 volt shock to solve it. No worries though, that is more like a static shock to a Hoser such as I. Game on!

Almost immediately, the Mayor showed the Um-ass sieve, Jon Quick that it is better to be quick on the ice, than in the bedroom with Aiello. Not long after that, Mr. LeBlanc further proved the Mayor's point by notching his 1st collegiate point, while being brought down. Strangely, NESN seemed to complain that they might have been having technical difficulties, could there have been a sighting of the Ghost of Baron Von Hosehead somewhere in the Hoser-Dome?

Late in the 2nd, the truth was revealed, the Butler really did do it, Butler really did make Quick wish he had gotten beaten over the head with the candlestick in the library instead of being schooled in magnificent sieve fooling stick and puck work. Not to be outdone, In one single sequence, Mr. Regan gave new definition to the phrase "Kick Save, and a beauty" by making such an amazing stop and then getting the assist on the ensuing sonic boom inducing blast from Hobey that reduced Quick to rubble. Finally, after circling the entire offensive zone untouched, Mr. Flaishans wristed one final tally that left Quick with a mess in his pantalones. But the Um-ass faithful didn't have to fret, NESN was kind enough to provide us with hankeys so they could dry their tears of anguish and failure away.

The Next Day: The Hosers had a full day planned as we started in Dartmouth to see the Women of the Whitt and then would become to best thing to happen to Amherst since Marcus Camby...oh wait, nevermind, I guess we are the best thing ever to happen to Amherst.

Over the years, we had been accustomed to seeing the Women's team dominate or at least stay in the entire game of almost every game. Today would be slightly different. Whether it was the blue version of the hideious swift jerseys that are clearly cursed or the nicotine laced hot dogs that left Smokey McHoser needing a fix of them more often than a cigarette, the girls just were dominated 80% of the game. Dartmouth's band continued to prove that they were in fact the biggest dorks in NH, and for their efforts, the winner of the last 17 NH battle of the bands, the Kazoo band, stuffed the entire Dartmouth band into a locker...a single locker. The Scoreboard operator clearly had been to Keggy's farewell party last night or was a Dartmouth grad as the fool continuingly botched his operation attempts. So we left Thompson Arena after witnessing this sad display (they will of course bounce back) with high hopes for this evening and with every hot dog in the arena so Smokey could endure the ride to Amherst without losing it.

Yeah, things didn't get much better here. Clearly Dartmouth sent the same hot dogs to Um-ass so they could drug the men's team as the Women's team had been. Um-ass did what few had been able to do this year, and dominate the good guys in blue. Meanwhile, the typically class Um-ass fools continued to show that even a mass gathering of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome suffering fools could get into Um-ass. They even tried to prove their acceptance by showing us their latest homework attempt in the form of a crudely made sign that was on a neon orange posterboard in small hand writing....While we had to squint to see this F effort, the Arena security could see it very clearly, and took it and sparred to peon the embarassment of not only getting an F, but also getting whapped with a ruler by the teacher, it was such a failure of a sign, made by an even bigger failure of humanity. Back to the hockey game (if thats what you want to call it) the Good Guys had no help in the form of good bounces or any other fortune that could generate any offense. All they could do was take this defeat, move on, and strike back at the league next weekend. We of course left with our heads high, while the classless and hopeless of Um-ass rioted their victory that brought them all the way to 6th place in the league.

So not a perfect weekend, but you can't always win them all. But Hoser Nation need not fret, at least we didnt go down like a certain legion of fairy douche bags to MVU faster than an a frosh trying out for MVU. Then again, BC just might like that sort've thing.

No, I have a homework assignment for all of you in Hoser Nation, with Proviced coming to town saturday, you must all study this game film very carefully and have every thing about it mastered to perfection. Until next time as always,

Good day, eh!
Rouge

ps. Reports from Hanover, NH have come in that someone broke into Thompson Arena and cleaned out all the Hot Dogs, all the Hot Dog cookers, and even the recipe for the hot dogs.