Lil John Says; MMMMAAAAAAAAAAIIILLLL!!!!!

Another day, another pile of mail that is infinitely more interesting than any piece of homework thrown my way Ladies and Hosers. Lets get right into it, we got Sully from Danvers writes;

Dear Hosers,

What are your thoughts on the upcoming Red Sox season now that Spring Training is underway down in Fort Meyers?

Well Sully, Since I grew up in a household where you couldn't enter the house while wearing any form of Yankee attire, I always look forward to Summer afternoons and evenings down on Yawkee Way. It's a new season of optimism and hope for the Sox as Big Papi and the boys spent the offseason reloading with the arrival of Daisuke Matsuzaka, J.D. Drew, and Julio Lugo. But of course with the return of our beloved Sox, comes the eventual return of America's most prolific ball slappers since Brokeback College at Chestnut Hill and the neverending lover's quarrel they live in. So while New York continues to live their daily lives by the "Im not his friend anymore/He still loves me!" drama these 2 live in while Damon waits to make his move when they do officially break up. We here in Hoser Nation are proud to announce that we have struck a deal with the Red Sox not too long ago that will all but solve any and all of their bullpen problems now that Johnathan Papelbon has moved into the starting rotation.

Next up we got Kerry from right here in Durham, and she asks;

Hey Hosers!

What do you think of the housing crisis UNH has been dealing with for the last few years, My roommate and I might get stuck in a forced triple next year!

Well Kerry, I would like to personally reassure you that UNH is doing everything possible to resolve this situation. How do we know this? Well, after 3 or so years of them thinking ideas like turning singles into 8 person suites like the photo taken from Stoke Hall shown on the left, UNH Housing has finally wised up and asked for our Hoser Expertise. After months of analysis, research, and deep thought that would make most in Housing suffer a migrane, we have come up with a well thought and creative solution to the problem. It begins with Marty Scarrano surredering his home and real estate to the Hosers so that spaces can open up with all the Hosers moving there. It will also serve a greater purpose by giving Marty the kick to the curb he's been asking for for sometime now. Since Basketball at UNH has been pretty much the biggest waste of space since the state of Maine, the fieldhouse can be converted into new freshmen housing. And of course we can turn the new construction done on the housing offices into dorms since the students need them more than housing needs more offices. More options are to come, stay tuned!

Finally, we got.............."Shawn", for the Im not even sure how many millionth time. What oh what could he want?

Hosers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, I haven't been able to track you guys down at all to get on board that Hoser Express for games! I think those last directions you gave me were wrong, I wound up at some Bulldozer Convention! Can I pllleeeeaaassse have a 7th chance?

Hmmmmmm, lets see, there is one thing we can arrange for you. But this time you have to get this right, or Robert Goulet will torment you for the rest of eternity. Go out to the West Edge Parking lot and wait for another Hoser Agent, he will go by the name of George Martinez, he will then direct you to the Amoskeag Bridge in Manchester, there you will meet another agent by the name of Hector Riviera. He will then direct you to a top secret location in Concord, now when you get there, you will meet someone that looks a lot like Maggie Joyce, but we are kinda not certain that it isnt her. If it isnt her, then you should be safe. If it is in fact Maggie Joyce, you are certainly doomed to meet a painful and terrifying end. We cannot guarantee either situation's certainty, but we can almost guarantee to a 43% certainty we would send plastic roses to the funeral

Thats all for now Hosers, hope you all have been practicing for the 1st annual Provi-dance off at the Hoser Dome and the Coffin. Until then as always,

Good Day, eh

Rouge