Provi-dancing our way to the Regular Season Title!

Quote of the Week: "Regan played much better in the 4th"-Matt

So the end of the regular season is fast approaching Ladies and Hosers, and the Good Guys in Blue have put themselves in a position to lock up the #1 seed with the Regular Season Championship. The only thing that currently stood between them and said title was Proviced.

After making sure all our signs and anything else we had wouldn't offend Joe Bertagna by speaking the obvious truth, the Hosers settled in for an evening of combatting mass Goon behavior for the benefit of humanity. The night did not start out so well as Proviced sent some imposter of not-Sean to the ice to give them an early lead. The Hosers of course saw this as an obvious violation of every global treaty ever created except the one that promises the use of W.B.K.A.M.J's (Weapons Better Known As Maggie Joyce) against anyone deemed dangerous, incredibly stupid, or from Maine. Apparently so did Mr. McFlicker as he proceded to correct the situation by lighting the lamp as many times as the below average MVU'er lights up the bong...Which is of course 3 times, which is of course a hat trick that calls for a special hat trick Provi-dance! Mr. Vinz and Mr. Fortney added their own tallies as well and Mr. Butler proved that any frosh outside of MVU can in fact make a difference by adding a beautiful strike of his own. But one of the biggest hits of the night as always when Proviced is in town is the latest promotion craze in all the Hockey East Arenas once again found its way to Durham. Yes Hosers, we all got to enjoy the "Zancanaro Midget Toss for Charity"! This evening's charity of choice was the "Stomp out Brokeback College Douche Baggery NOW Foundation". Matt "I invented the Matsuzaka Gyroball" Fornataro donated a whopping $67 Million and defended his title from last time by tossing Zancanaro all the way to Orono (of course Keith Johnson got excited when he saw someone so small thrown his way, but was saddend to relize he was too old). The final from friday was 6-4 for the good guys, and one step closer to that top seed...Off to Proviced we go!

So we arrived in the Coffin (no not the same coffin the Mainers regularly bury their hopes and dreams in) and was sad to see the lack of the "Hulk-A-Mania" paint scheme gone. Unfortunately, we would find something else missing this evening: The Good Guys in Blue we've enjoyed watching thus far this season. With my expertise in forensic psychology, the cause of death with this game was that Proviced poisoned the UNH water bottles with Proviced brand bottled water. Even with Grandpa Hoser showing off his old football blocking skills when he was the 1st linebacker on the 1st Football team ever made (they made the Super Bowl for him to win it ya know) and even him running a lap around the Coffin in the most inspirational moment since Rocky running up those steps, there was no helping the Good Guys in Blue this night. But there were other forms of help on the way. And also a Chocolate Fountain.

The Hoser's moral was low, there was No Proviced Pep Band which often leads to the only source of hope in Proviced's life. Momma Hoser's tremendous heart seemed all but broken and the Kazoo Hosers were equally saddened as they were ready to add dancing mastery to their already legendary musical resume. But then, from nowhere, some sad loss in the Proviced section who obviously had been studying the Hosers for thousands of years, broke out a cowbell and some strange old man rose to his feet, and then we saw it, in it's original form.....

PROVI-DANCE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the evening was not a total loss as that lifted our spirits. But we would soon have them lifted even higher. Just when we thought our favorite group of Frosh Hazing Stoner failures were just as useful as the pathetic and still crying Mainers, the Cat-A-Frauds pulled out a win over the miniature poodles of Badmouth University. By getting said win, they managed to open the back-door to the Hockey East Regular Season Championship for the Good Guys in Blue! It is truly a sign of greatness when you can still win a championship despite being beaten 7-1 and outshot 51 to 21. But of course being the benevolent people were are, we kindly extend this thanks to MVU for their help this past weekend:

In other news, I am proud to announce the Winners of the 1st annual Hoser Nation Prov-dance-off. And they go as follows:

7. Me (because I was working, and also cartoon mules with nailed on tails which i am now strangely categorized as, are not such good dancers)

6. Grandpa Hoser (he did finish 1st in his bracket of ages 70-2,000 though)

5. O.T. Hoser (she trained Grandpa Hoser)

4. Maggie Joyce (cause she threatend to kill me if she didnt get some kinda recognition)

3. Godfather Hoser (he made the Flag Guy at Proviced a nice pair of concrete Converses)

2. Kirk Manke....he was the only one on the ice wearing blue saturday that didn't stink

1. Matt "Just give me the title, cause I'm Matt Fornataro, bitch" Fornataro

Well Hosers, this bottle of rum is now dry and I dont feel like writing much more as im saving my writing strength to bash on those pathetic and mindless ball slapping Douche Bags from Brokeback College later this week. Until such bashing begins, I must find more rum and as always,

Good day, Eh!

Rouge