Merrimacks a knock knock knocking on the Cellar's door

Quote of the Week: Tie between
"MARKERS!!!!" -Jeff and Scott in order to combat the foul biological warfare going on around them.

Me-"Paper or Plastic your that ugly!"
Darci-"Plastic, its more fun to watch."
-In response to a Merrimack player removing his mask and scaring the children with his fugly face.

Hey, Ladies and Hosers, wanna hear a joke? OK! Merrimack Hockey. Thats it, the longest running joke in hockey since any claims the Mainers have legitimate titles. After a pulse racing, adrenaline rush of a weekend worth of hunting Black Bear scum, we get to play the team thats about as exciting as watching paint dry.

Once again Ladies in Hosers, rather than give the traditional game by game summary, it's time for a change of pace so I give to you another edition of the "Hoser Nation Top 10"! This week its the Top 10 reasons Merrimack and their "fans" should just give up and stick to..........whatever it is Merrimack is supposedly good at besides failing miserably.

10. UNH didnt give Merrimack the honor of hearing the Reverend sing the anthem, instead we hired Rosie O'Donnell as a means of punishing Merrimack and as an attempt to make the pep band sound better by comparison...That obviously failed

9. This week's edition of the "Kevin Regan Show" was far less spectacular than last week due to a lack of serious competition. He was able to attend to those duties as well as have a chat with his special guests, Sean Connery and Matt "One phonecall and you disappear" Fornataro. The trio mocked Merrimack more times than Connery mocked Trebek's Mother

8. Merrimack's play stank so bad, it was considered biological warfare and the Kazoo Hosers were forced to use extra strong scented markers in avoid smelling the foul stench of Merrimack failure...They are on 12 step addiction recovery program similar to the one Smokey McHoser is on to overcome his addiction to Dartmouth Hotdogs


7. Merrimack "fans" managed to fail at getting to the game on time moreso than BC fans tend to

6. While myself and her majesty cannot always find our way to the games on our originally planned routes, we can at least find our way into the playoffs

5. The recently reuninted top line for the Good Guys in Blue put on another clinic that made Merrimack look even more sad than a Mainer trying to ask the biggest Heffer in the barn out for friday night

4. No, Merrimack, God does not love you

3. Not even O.T. Hoser can help you find hope in your life (not that you would ever be worthy or capable of understanding her words of infinite wisdom)

2. Your best retort to the Hosers was "Here we go Merrimack, Here we go!" and I call that a desperate cry for help

1. Racking up more penalty minutes than your opponent in gutless and moronic actions is not a way to compensate for the fact that Merrimack gets scored on more than a $2.75 whore from Bangor. Speaking of which, the season numbers for the series look something like this: UNH 12, Merrimack 2.

So all is right in the world again, Snively South is once again 100% Hoser territory, Merrimack gets to watch the postseason on NESN and cling to their long running endorsement with Trojan Condoms to keep them alive since their play on the ice can't do it, and Maggie Joyce didnt even have to go on one of her apocalyptic rampages this weekend to ensure victory....But she did anyway and nearly reduced half of Boston to rubble. Unfortunately, the Kazoo band is still recovering from their MARKER! addiction, but hey, all the great bands have spent their share of time in rehab, ask Aerosmith (Steven Tyler is still trying to book them and Adam on cowbell for their next World Tour). On another note, our recent Hoser recruit Irishwildcat has moved on to the second stage of entering the ranks of Hosers, now he must scale the tallest mountain while drinking a full pitcher of Molson and not spilling a drop while searching a lock of Barry Melrose's mullet. Best of luck to you, and everyone be sure to get some rest, the badmouth poodles on Comm Ave are next on the calendar and until then as always,

Good day, eh!
Rouge