Muck Faine: The War Goes On Part II: The Hosers Strike Back

For Additional recaps of our weekend of Black Bear Hunting, check the works of the Godfather and Saint Hoser of New England better known as Erinn. Both works have been shown to affirm life, cure plague, punish the shortcomings of inferior beings, and will always leave you speechless. You might just learn something! Unless your from Maine

Silver and Bronze Medals For Quote of the Week:
"IM NOT THE DUMBEST ONE HERE!!!"
-Darci

"It was just kinda laying there, I think Helen Keller could have scored that one"
-Mike Radja on his game winning goal

When we last left our heroes, the Mainers had eked out a victory in round one of this weekend series, Tim Whitehead was suffering from a case of rug burn on the knees that has been traced back to a visit to the officials room before Friday nights game in Manchester, yours truly managed to difuse the bomb in time to save the world, and Boston was still spooked over a couple of light brights.
The Good Guys in Blue vowed to get revenge for the injustice they suffered in Manchester the previous night and we Hosers had our own mission to attend to as well. Based on intelligence gathered from around campus, we had reason to believe there was a freshman conspiracy to try and take our rightful place at the Gates of the Hoser Dome. In order to thwart this pitiful attempt, yours truly and a group of Noble Hoser Allies planned a covert operation that would ensure that no freshman or other unsavory beings would be able to take our places at the doors.

Immediately following the game in Manch-Vegas, the Communist strategically located himself in the Hoser Dome lobby to stand watch. In the wee hours of the morning under the cover of darkness and snow, another Platoon infiltrated the Hoser Dome and staked our official claim at the doors before anyone knew the wiser. Being on the cutting edge that we are, we used the latest in modern day college camoflauge to ensure that our stealthy operation go unnoticed by anyone who might be foolish enough to try and stop us. Can you find the 2nd UNH fan in this photograph? Thats modern day Cloaking technology for you!

The Women's team played during the course of the afternoon and the Hosers perfected the art of the student section line change. Maggie Joyce showed absolutely no mercy whatsoever as she completely devastated the team of BC spoiled Paris Hilton wannabes. In fact they are still finding the remains of several of those failures around the Hoser Dome today. And as the Godfather so beautifully put it in his latest words of wisdom, it is always fun to kick a BC bag of Douche when they are down, in my opinion even moreso when they are a bag of douche with pie tins, trumpets, and the general intelligence of brick.

With my day-long tour of duty completed, I joined the rest of Hosers as well as the International Hoser Diplomats that once again joined us. By this time, the lobby had been filled to capacity and every Mainer that had the audacity to enter the front doors got an ear-ful of truthful facts about their general ineptness and lack of worth. Finally, the time came, the doors opened, and the stampede was on!!!! Hosers dove, jumped and scrambled everything they could including disembowled limbs to claim our seats. Strangely enough, people seemed to slow down and watch when Momma Hoser was allegedly on her back and spread eagle...Anyways, all seats were claimed and ready, the only challenge we then had to deal with were the thunderstix. And how do you combat such things? One cowbell can cure fevers, but then throw in 3 more plus the sweet sultry melody of Kazoos, and you get the greatest super band since the Police! Their sound could get Osama Bin Laden to come out of hiding and spoon with Dick Cheney, of course President Elect McHoser would then stab Osama in the eye with the ice cream scoop but the point is that 4 cowbells and Kazoos are that damn good.

Unlike the night before, the Good Guys in Blue had the hostile waters of Lake Whittemore working for them, as well as a loud, even more hostile, and a downright venomous sellout house that was as loud as it has been in years. Oh now it really was war.

Right from the start, you could tell the Good Guys in Blue were not going to settle for anything less than victory. Though the Mainers struck 1st, everyone knew it was only going to be a matter of time. Into the second period, tempers boiled over as the Mayor went slightly out of character and went on a Maggie Joyce-esque rampage that left several Mainers dead, and left Ben Bishop crying like a Brokeback College douche that spilled his wine cooler on his pink shirt.

Obviously sick and tired of the Mainers being in the same state as his greatness, his Hobey-ness struck down the backup sieve and tied the game up. The altercations continued but unfortunately for the Mainers, they were fighting the Good Guys in Blue, not the Umaine baseball team, so defeat was inevitable. In only his second game back from injury, Mr. Radja made the Mainers wish they still had Dolly to cuddle with. 2-1 good guys, from here on out, id like to welcome you to the Kevin Regan Show.

Even when facing a 5 minute penalty kill, Mr. Regan in ever sense of the word, was absolutely phenomenal. The UNH Penalty kill stood very tall as well, but it was clearly Regan's night to shine and then some. That 5 minute penalty was one of the most intense 5 minutes yours truly has ever witnessed in a hockey game, and Mr. Regan put on a show that would have had Martin Brodeur in the stands taking notes. He denied every Mainer more times than all their cousins and livestock denied them a prom date combined. Truly, a performance for the ages for Mr. Regan, and another night of Ben Bishop being rendered nothing more than a crying Mainer still mourning the loss of his longtime life partner Barbarro. Keith Johnson was also incredibly saddend as the game ended to late for him to be able to make it to his traditional postgame romp in the Chuck-E-Cheese Ball pit.

UNH 2, Mainers 1. Payback completed

So we did not get the sweep we had all hoped for, but we did get to witness A classic UNH vs Maine clash in front of one of the loudest crowds in recent memory, Doc Hoser got himself a record deal for his double cowbell solo, the International Hoser Ambassadors got their taste of a real UNH home game paired with a win over the Mainer, and above all else, our Hoser Hooligan from the UK, was kind enough to show us all how real Soccer Hooligans riot by burning down the Alfond. The Mainers certainly never saw that coming, let along being called a bunch of "bloody hass wicket splitting wankers". Personally I definetly didnt see that one either.

So after an exciting weekend of playing our arch nemesis, we get the excitement of entertaining.....Merrimack, im sure the line for tickets will be even longer, I just hope I have my voice back by then. Until then as always,

Good day, eh!

Rouge