Douche-Bags, Goons, Husky ladies, and even more Douche Bags...OH MY!

2 things:

Due to the insane amount of Hockey and absurdness of this past weekend. This will be a another classic 2 part entry.

And, WARNING! The upcoming entry will contain particularly offensive material because BC just happens to give me alot to work with.....YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Quote of the Week: "Oh no! I dropped our vibrator!"

-A pair of women Erinn overheard while in the restroom of a restuarant

Douchebag-(n) An individual who has an over inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears

-also see BC, Boston College, BC Eagles, etc

Yes ladies and Hosers, the regular season has come to a close, but once again this means we have to endure the presence of some of the most degenerate and mindless scum on the face of the Earth: Brokeback College DoucheBags. The great philosophizer and drinking buddy of mine, Mr. Mitarotondo has described BC as;
"It's like a much more lame version of the upper east side of NY. Instead of assholes, you get Ted Kennedy supporters. I guess that's the same thing though."

This is no ordinary weekend of course. This is that last weekend of the season where we salute the members of our senior class as they will play their last home regular season. We Hosers salute the class of 2007 of Brett Hemmingway, Jacob McFlicker, Shawn Vinz, Josh Ciocco, and Chris Murray for their efforts and wearing the colors proudly. But they weren't the only seniors being honored this night. As we Hosers made our way to the special this evening, we discovered a pair of beautifully made banners posted in respective locations. The other Hosers gave myself and her majesty the honor of getting our own banners on our senior night. While the numbers 29 and 5 were not raised alongside the Good Guys in Blue, they hung among the best in Durham nonetheless, and I thank all the Hosers for such an honor and for the fun I've had among them in my time here.

While myself and her majesty attempted to bring our best vocal venom on our senior night to make sure the Douche Bags had a very inhospitable stay in the Hoser Dome (aside from the fact we refused to play non stop techno music and serve Wine Coolers), the Good Guys in Blue did not bring their A game. Despite our unending barrage of taunts, mockery, and other disheartening remarks towards the collar popping morons and a certain member of their team (and I'm still very surprised we have not gotten any letters or other complaints about the almost relentless amount of jokes we were making), the opposing team managed to walk away with a fairly convincing (and very rare) win. Many theories point towards Jerrwy York ultimately banning his bunch of spoiled rich pricks from their usual pregame clubbing (Aiello was absent from the lineup because of an "injury" as they report, the location of the injury was never disclosed for some reason) and also, when you have an official with a name like as well as the intellect of a Bunion, its kinda hard to do much. The murderous pleas of Coach Umile and the single fingered gestures of Grandpa Hoser (he did invent it after all) were to no avail. But of course, baked goods on senior night can at least temporarily heal the wounds of such a depressing loss.We did manage to get the last laugh when we made a deal with all the bars in the greater Durham area to sell nothing but beer and Jack Daniels and play nothing but Marilyn Manson, Metallica, and Bob and Doug McKenzie tunes all night to make the prissy bags of douche grab their man purses and sprint away in a limp wristed panic

So we were somewhat reeling from the defeat friday evening, like always we looked forward to the next game...Even if the next game was deep in the heart of Douchebag Nation. Once again though, much of the Chestnut Hill populus had left for their traditional spring break vacation to San Francisco. Hey, even douchebags like them deserve a break from their classes in Theology, Queer Studies, Interpretive dance, and their quest for an unrecognized National Title in hide the sausage. The remaining douchebags on campus were left with no one to go pregame clubbing and apparently Aiello didn't want to snuggle, so they actually filed into the arena before the game actually started. Instead of a mass gathering of morons who are still looking for the closet door, we Hosers had to endure something just as annoying, but somehow slightly more intelligent than a BC douchebag, and still lightyears ahead of the Mainers: Unsupervised, unruly, uneducated, and incredibly rude little children. While we could not appreciate the fun Brokeback College has at games because we neglected to bring our glow sticks or body glitter, we remained in high spirits.

Unfortunately, it just wasnt our weekend on the ice. While Mr.Foster stood tall in his 1st start against such a big name opponent, the rest of the team seemed to continue to struggle. While they did make some improvements over the last few games, they were unable to overcome the Douchebags and were forced to endure their 1st sweep of the season. And all through the game, those miserable motherless children were about as obnoxious as humanly possible. They dared to try and mock us all night and even challenge us. One even went as far as laying a finger upon a certain Hoser who has been trusted to raise the children of America and make them into good little Hosers. Of course, such children are far beyond the help of any Hoser, let alone an expert such Momma Hoser. No parents to be found...No Surprise. Those misguided little failed abortions were spared being taught a lesson that it is never, ever a good idea to anger a Hoser, but next time, Momma Hoser will teach them a different kind of lesson...The Lesson of not aggravating a Hoser when Maggie Joyce is within the continental area.

So the douchebags earned themselves the honor of being the 1st to earn a weekend sweep against the Good Guys in Blue. They of course celebrated with a massive Club Fog Party. They commemorated this victory by handing out these special edition photo arts that perfectly salute the mindsets and attitudes of the Brokeback College Fanbase: These prints have been posted on the doors of every dorm, classroom, and locker room at Brokeback College.

So the regular season ended for the Men's team on a very low note. But thanks to the fantastic play in earlier parts of the regular season, they still hold the 2006-2007 Regular Season Championship and are to be congratulated for that accomplishment. Now its on the second season. And it starts with Proviced returning to the Hoser-Dome....But this was not the end of our weekend escapades, next time, we chronicle the Women of the Whitt and their quest to defend their Hockey East Crown..Who will be Maggie Joyce's next victim? Will Smokey McHoser make like Maggie Joyce against the Uber Douchebags invading the Hoser-Dome? Is Momma Hoser Clark Kent's real Mother? Will Bugden finally relize her dream of being a lumberjack? And will yours truly be able to convince Congress to kick Maine out of the Union? Until next time, Collar Down, and as always

Good day, Eh!

Rouge