Douchebags, Goons, Husky Ladies, and even more Douchebags, OH MY! Part II

When we last left our heroes, douchebags were running rampant across the land dancing to their poorly made techno music and sipping wine coolers all along the way. The Hosers had been enduring a tough weekend of witnessing some even tougher losses, but help was on the way. When the Hosers are down, sometimes the best man for that job, is in fact a Woman, in this case it was the Women of the Whitt.

The Women's Hockey East playoffs came to the Hoser Dome this past weekend and the Women of the Whitt had high hopes of being able to back up their regular season title with defense of their Hockey East Tournament Championship reign. Only a few things stood in the way of that celebration:

1.Husky Ladies (the Conneticut Variety)

2.Lady Goons

3.A trio of uber moronic BC bags of douche (the kind even Aiello wouldnt hookup with)

Game one pitted our team against some Husky Ladies (the kind from the state the Whalers were smart enough to leave). Like usual, the Women of the Whitt toyed with their unworthy opponent like how BC professors toy with their students by lying to them by saying that God loves them. While they did not accumulate their usual scoring total that would rival that of Hurricane Ditka, another total was hitting the double digits early on...Maggie Joyce's body count...Once again, she unleashed her fury in such a way that would make Jack the Ripper crap his pants in fear. Ms. Hitchcock and Ms. Wright-Ward got the girls on the board and that would be all they needed as they left the other Husky Ladies looking forward to basketball playoffs.

Of course, in other parts of the Dome, the pitiful jackoffs from Brokeback College continued to bang their drum and sing their songs like it was the only thing they had going in their lives.......which is probably true. Of course when their team took to the ice against the Proviced Lady Goons, we Hosers sat back and took a nap....That is until Brokeback College choked on a 2 goal lead like a Mainer chokes on a horse. Of course we took our liberties with laughing at their futility and obvious stupidity. One dared to flip el Presidente the bird as some sort of crude comeback...That finger was of course broken off by Maggie Joyce, which she then used to stab one of the other douche bags in the eye while she chokeslammed the 3rd through a table. Anybody that thinks someone is actually even a smidgen as tough as Maggie....deserves no less than a massacre.

The Next Day:Championship Game, UNH vs Proviced Lady Goons

This was a day where we Hosers staked the claim as bringing one of the best home ice advantages in Women's Hockey. And what better opponent to prove that claim, than their arch rivals: A crew of goon miscrients the great philosophizer, Mr. Mitarotondo has said the following about: "Providence Women make Maine women look halfway human. Sans the facial hair, spare tire mid-sections, and generations of inbreeding.".

Surprisingly, the Brokeback College morons had the guts to show their faces after their pitiful display of intelligence and class and after the savage beating they endured. Of course they tried to join our side, but Mr. President (still going strong on his Nico-dog patch and gum) had them deported to the other side of the Dome.

The Lady-Cats got off to a good start by making Proviced pay for its goonery courtesy of a Kacey "My brother is the idiot of the family" Bellamy powerplay goal. Into the second period we go and Proviced manages to get a tally to tie the game. On the otherside of the rink, the BC super-failures celebrate as if they actually found a purpose in their miserable lives. 3 minutes later, Ms.Caleo promptly eliminated any possibility of that by adding another tally. 2-1 Women of the Whitt.

At some point late in the game, a Proviced fan or other representitative dared to enter our territory and then made the biggest mistake she had ever made besides her choice of back Proviced: She asked us to stop taunting the Proviced Sieve cause we were getting in her head.....Even a Mainer would know better than to do that...maybe, probably not, but anyways, the remainder of the game consisted of a relentless depression inducing verbal assault that may have left Bugden begging to see Dr.Phil. Despite the obvious mental anguish she was going through at our hands, she managed to keep her crew of unlady-like goons in the game the entire afternoon. But it was only a matter of time for us. Finally with an empty net, Ms.Faber put the nail in the coffin and sealed up our second consecutive Women's Hockey East Championship!
Congratulations Ladies! Another fantastic season thus far and we hope there is much more to come. Meanwhile, with their heads hung low and feeling nothing short of total shame, the douchebag triplets attempted to leave our beloved Hoser-Dome in one piece.....not on Maggie's watch...They now have a permanent place here in Durham right alongside the likes of every opponent Maggie ever squared off with, Saddam, the dinosaurs, Michael Flatley, Vanilla Ice, and the hopes and dreams of every Mainer, just to name a small few.

Before I go Hosers, it has come to my attention that BU now actually has something to be proud of other than the 2o-whatever Beancan Tourney wins, the Dick Umile Scoreboard, and the longest living Voodoo Zombie as their coach..Our very own OT Hoser was not only accepted into BU, but welcomed with a ticker tape parade...Sorry BU, she wont be trading in her navy blue for Badmouth U scarlet anytime soon, so it still sucks to B.U. While we know this is a very startling development, we know where her loyalties lie, and besides, BU is better than Brokeback College and still centuries ahead to the Mainers...Of course if she did end up choosing BC or the Mainers, she would face possible excommunication in the court of Hoser Law, or the equivalent of the death penalty....Maggie Joyce. But we congratulate her on the acceptance and wish her all the luck in the world, lord knows she's got a big task ahead of her what with being the only redeeming qualty about BU now.

The Second Season for the Men starts tommorow and the Women's regional begins this weekend as well, so another busy weekend ahead for all of Hoser Nation. Rest up and as always,

Good day, Eh!

Rouge

see Erinn, that wasn't so bad a ragging now wasn't it?