Kiss me, Im a Hoser at the Hockey East Playoffs on St. Pattys Day

Quote of the Week:
"It really must be snowing out! His collar is soaked to the point its actually down!"
-Erinn pointing out a prime example of a BC Douchebag whos collar was in the right position for once in his life

This is a weekend that we always circle on our calendars and look forward to with great delight. Just around St.Patty's day, the Hockey East World descends onto Causeway St to crown a new tournament champion.....Too bad the Mainers couldn't make the trip this year due to the incliment suckiness and other notable failures inherent of being a Mainer.

Being it St. Pattys day weekend down in Boston, It would be a crime for us Hosers to celebrate our irish roots (some of us have the albino skin to prove it) in the traditional manner of running up large tabs at the bar. Unfortunately, the skies were angry on this day and apparently had it out for us Hosers. Ice, rain, snow, mac trucks, mainers, massholes, you name it, we encountered it (though we were not told to go back to Rhode Island at any point). Here is an accurate artist's rendering of the kind've commute we Hosers faced coming down from NH. But no rain, nor snow, nor Volacano would keep us Hosers from old Boston town. We arrived just in time to get mobbed with drinks and autograph requests from the Hoser Hopefuls and the hopeless wannabes. Then we entered the rink, and saw some really hopeless wannabes: The Zoomass bandwagon of classless bafoons

After a good 20 min of staring at the almighty glory of the new scoreboard in the TD Banknorth/Fleetcenter Garden, the game was on and we got ready for a war. Thats exactly what we got. The Cats drew 1st blood courtesy of the player never known as Sean Collins and the ZooMass crowd went into their automatic cursing and whining fits. The "less than a" minutemen managed to tie up the game before the end of the 1st. Into the second period we go and still feeling confident and enjoying the pleasant aroma of Mainers not being in the same state as us. Unfortunately, the Good Guys in Blue didnt exactly carry their play from the 1st into this stanza. ZooMass took the lead and things werent looking so good for a while. Here's a name we havent said in a while on this site (maybe ever), Mr. Rossman was entered into the game to fill in for the ill Mr. Hemmingway. He and his 4th line stepped it up and then some for this game. Late in the 2nd, Rossman picked an extremely convienient and oppotune time to nail down his 1st goal of the season as he tied up the game!

The 3rd period moved along quickly and none of the Hosers were in need of recessitation. Then along came overtime, and thankfully, along came the Kevin Regan Show. Tonight's guests on the show received more denials and rejections in one 20 minute period than they have endured from every girl they ever tried with. Even in the face of a breakaway, Regan turned them away much like every other school in the Commonwealth turned their applications away. And into the second overtime we go with surgeons at the ready to perform open heart surgery on the Queen right in the front row while she watched the game as well as Orderlies with straight jackets for Grandpa Hoser. While I know we tend to bash on freshmen in a non-MVU fashion here, Mr. Butler proved once again, that despite common societal stereotype, they can indeed contribute in a postive manner...in the form of a knucklepuck chipshot 90 seconds into overtime #2 that sent the Umasholes packing! And so in that moment, it was decided that he would forever be dubbed "The Freshman" even when he does move up the class ladder. Now the only trap that Will "Not Big Papi and never will be close" Ortiz can talk about in the media is the one INS has set up for him in Framingham.

After taking such a defeat, the Umassholes of course took it like the drunk neanderthals they are. One such female Umasshole actually tried to engage OT Hoser in fisticuffs in the restroom while she cried and wailed over their loss...While OT (Erinn, not the game) was kind to the Umassholes on this day, others of us were not as you can see in this photograph, Ankur and myself found this sad passed out Umass slob and then found a a tatoo parlor to forever ink the truth into his face so that he can look in the mirror everyday and know it!

So then after Darci underwent a quick double bypass surgery and Godfather Hoser had his successful heart transplant, we were able to relax as Brokeback College and Beancan University fought to the death for our amusement. Unfortunately, the Beancan U Mini Poodles were apparently dead on arrival as the so called Player of the Year was lit up like MVU bong and everyone else in BU red was about as effective as a Cat-A-Fraud who just took a few hits from that Bong. After several of us Hosers departed to endure another treacherous drive, OT and Grandpa stayed behind, obviously seeing this as his opportunity to impress his son and show his ex-wife and new boyfriend up, he foolishly confronted Nick and attempted to engage him in fisticuffs. Grandpa could have easily taken this failure out, but he walked away, leaving the deadbeat dad to listen to his son's claims of how he wants to live with his mom and her boyfriend from now on.

Onto the Championship game and St. Patricks Day! After an afternoon of toasting with round after round of Guiness and seeing Doc Hoser finally show us what his real hair looks like, we were hopping it would be a merry St. Patricks Day for the Hosers. We were ready to take on the only school that still wears pink and drinks wine coolers on this blessed holiday: The Douchebags of Brokeback College.

Unfortunately, today didnt seem to be the Hosers day. BC came out (both into the game and from the closet) and took control right away. Whether it was exhaustion from the other nights overtime thriller, half the team being sick, BC's traditionally outstanding play, the Good Guys in Blue couldn't get anything going till the 3rd period with a valiant comeback effort. But it was all for not, unless you count the fact that several in the BC student section finally made it public that they are in fact douchebags. They may have won the day, but the battle is far from over, we'll be seeing them again soon enough. Till now we send them our congratulations and well wishes



Thats all for now Ladies and Hosers, and now we've reached the point of no return, the new state motto should now referred to as "Win big or Die". The Good Guys in Blue will entertain the Likes of Miami of Not Florida, SLU(T), and of course Brokeback College in Manch-Vegas for the Northeast Regional. Until then, as always,

Good day, Eh!
Rouge