The End: Ponchos, Presidents not named Smokey,Proof of a Hoserboard, and being edumacated

Quote of the Week:
"I guess this is proof you really did spend at least some time outside of rinks and bars"
-Dad on me graduating

Now that the smoke has all cleared, It's time to treat you ladies and Hosers to a Hoser Report Graduation Style. That's right, two of Hoser Nation's very own earned the right to wear a black gown and walk around with cardboard squares on our heads. Of course, it would almost be considered a war crime for noble Hosers such as myself and Darci, to have a graduation that could be compared to any other previous ones in the history of Durham. So we had not one but two former Presidents of the United States on hand to send us off into the absurdness of the real world.

Im sure UNH tried to go for a Presidential Hat Trick by getting President Elect Smokey McHoser to come and speak, but it can be assumed that he declined the invite since his speech would probably be so overwhelmingly enlightening to our classmates and parents, that their heads would explode (like when a Mainer finally does realize 2+2=4). And of course we can assume he would have brought nicco-dogs and then Clinton and Bush would have gotten hooked on them, then the rest of the convocation would have, and then the next thing we know we have around 20,000 addicts going through withdrawals.

In regards to the ceremony itself, Hoser Nation now has undeniable proof that UNH can in fact afford an actual video screen that could be place inside the Hoser-Dome. Lobbying to have the soon to be dubbed "Hoser-tron" video board moved to the Whitt will begin soon. So Matt, you can stop trying to win the lottery for those purposes.

There was a strange sense of Deja-Vu on my part as this would be the second time id be having a graduation ceremony in the rain. But like usual, no rain, no sleet, no hurricane, no Tornadoes, no flooded parking lots, nor Mainers and their inbred animal assaulting ways would keep Hosers from their goals.

Bush and Clinton not surprisingly delivered very enlightening and powerful speeches. They kept talks of the war out of their speeches, and kept the top secret US-Hoser Collaborative efforts to have Maine separated from the rest of the Union, so that it might float out to sea, and subsequently become Greenland's problem. Unfortunately, the presidential pair were unable to stay and further greet us Hosers, but we made sure they received their honorary degrees and golden tuques for all their humanitarian efforts. And Clinton made sure all the female graduates and Interm President Newman got his secret cell phone number. Speakers for next year have already been nominated. Such nominees include, Matt "I don't need no stinkin Secret Service" Fornataro, Dave Matthews (mostly due to persistent urgings from certain Hosers), Bob and Doug McKenzie, David Hasselhoff after he's had a few down at Libby's, Lewis Black, and myself.

UNH of course made sure us Hosers were among those receiving their doctorates. They were in the ultra difficult but extremely important field of Hoserology. However, it shall remain that Doc Hoser, is the only one of us that can be legally called "Doc".

Tassels turned, hats thrown, degree covers handed out, job done! Unfortunately I'm lacking photography from the ceremony that I was hoping to get for all you Hosers, and for all those sad sick fools in Orono who need heroes to look up to that wont assault baseball teams. The remainder of the day consisted of a healthy regimen of packing, celebrating, beers while packing and celebrating (yes, I am really that good). Sunday however, the celebration gave way to a more solemn moment. The skies weeped as yours truly bid farewell to Hoser Tower and rode off into the sunset. But not before the Gables Complex was treated to one more loud "broadcast" from my abode. We made sure "Life is Life" was among the final songs played.

Congrats to the UNH Class of 2007. No matter how much the school fucked with us, we all made it! Best of luck of course to the Queen in her continuing education (by that I mean her, educating the masses of Durham), though I imagine Durham is a much bleaker place without my handsome face around. Also of note, OT Hoser continues to encounter a monumental task that would leave others dumbfounded: Dealing with the evident shortcomings and stupidity that is Beancan University. Of course we have nothing but faith in her abilities to succeed.

Be sure to stay tuned for my ramblings on the Red Sox, my attempts to figure out this thing called the real world, and a Hoserfest update when they become available. Until next time as always,


Good day, Eh!
Rouge