The Last Stand of a Hoser

Quote of the week:
"That guy is so flaming his foot steps are smoldering"
-Anonymous

Well Ladies and Hosers, My days left as a student here in Durham are down to the single digits (those are the numbers that are less than 10 for all you Mainers that can count to 10). Besides my 3 finals and 2 papers, I had a lot of things to do before I ride off into the sunset. Here's a little recap of what I've been up these past few days.

As some of you are aware, The Hoser Dome played host to Ludacris on Cinco De Mayo. Now I must ask you all a certain question. Is there any chance that there wont be any form of deviant behavior at a rap concert on a college campus, just towards the end of the school year when spring is in full effect, on a day of the year that is notorious for consumption of booze? 114 people met the men and women in blue that night, of course ninety percent of those happy little individuals aren't even from our beloved campus. And no, I was not among those people locked up in the back of the Whitt. Need I present further proof that tequila is nothing but trouble, and coronas aren't much better.

Now onto the finals portion of my last week as a Durham resident. My schedule consisted of the following: 2 Papers and 3 Actual Exams. Not surprisingly, the UNH in their infinite wisdom decided to make sure I was taking said finals right up until the last possible day (can you blame them for wanting to keep me around for as long as they can?) In regards to finals, I have a special exclusive Hoser Nation discovery for all of you, not too long ago, my informants from across the globe discovered this actual scantron final exam from a living breathing UMaine Student who actually believes he really has any hope of getting anywhere in life. Unfortunately for the sad fool, this was a true false exam.

The University has certain policies when it comes to finals week. One such policy is that there be 24 hour quiet hours rule implemented on all on campus apartments and dorms. Now how can a Hoser such as I make a statement and leave an impression with such rules in place? But in order to work around such regulations, I would require assistance. So once again, I assembled the one of the greatest gatherings known to mankind. Thus, we set out on a quest to make the world a better place with our heartwarming and comical shenanigans. By use of all instruments of beverages and of extremely loud musical machinery we made certain the townspeople knew of our presence. We even treated the Gables to a fireworks display that had no actual fireworks to show. But we did not stop there. Being the benevolent gentlemen we are, we treated the Gables crowd to all sorts of musical enlightenment. Of course when we decided to play a few random sounds here and there certain people came out of the wood works to investigate the source. Not surprisingly plenty of obvious Mainers came out of nowhere when they heard our simulated barnyard sound effects, of course they thought it was their lucky day. The sound of what appeared to be a middle school bell brought Keith Johnson out of friggen nowhere shockingly.

On to Tuesday, after burning down a final in record time, I made my way over to work where I would get paid to sit around, eat pizza, talk hockey, and hang around a cadre of Hosers that I have not seen in some time. One striking observation of this gathering was that very few people dared to suggest anything whatsoever that just maybe interfere with our presence during the season (mwahahahahaha!!!) Once again unfortunately, my attempts to bring Rene Rancourt to the Hoser Dome were met with defeat. At the end of this meeting, the council of Hosers present all agreed on one thing for sure....We wanted it to be hockey season already! Now the only issue remaining is if we do go with the plan to stow a certain Hoser of royalty in a hockey bag en route to North Dakota, do we be nice and fork over the money on a new bag, or should we be economical, and find a more "seasoned" bag?

To this day, people are still talking about the sonic treat we have provided the Gables thus far. Last night we treated the masses to puckhead, David Hasselhoff, and of course Numa Numa. Now here I sit with but one final left between me and my degree (that piece of paper that you get when you graduate college for all those Mainers out there). That's the short version of my activities thus far. I apologize in advance for the sappy and sentimental piece ill more than likely do up for graduation which will include various thank you's and such. Also of note, I acquired a new email address because the current one will be shut off shortly after graduation, be sure to ask for it Hosers so thou can update their contacts. Back to the studying, until next time,

Good day, eh!
Rouge