"Where is Roger?"
-Red Sox Nation in unison to the Yankees
Well ladies and Hosers, another week, another edition of ramblings and literary butchering that would make Shakespeare crap his pants in the grave. Keep those additions to the Hoser's Code coming. I think it's about time we addressed some of the more recent goings on in the sporting world.
The Stanley Cup
Unfortunately, this will mark the 35th straight year that Lord Stanley's Cup will spe
nd a summer away from it's rightful home on Causeway St. This years edition of poorly covered Stanley Cup action has pitted the Nottawa Senators and the Lame Ducks of Wanaheim. So far in this series, the Lame Ducks have taken an early 2-0 series lead over Nottawa. Unfortunately, for the Sens, they are unable to call for the invaluable assistance of Matt "I made the Cup with only my toes" Fornataro to get a clear way out of the hole they are in. Wanaheim on the other hand has already earned an honor before the finals even began. Lame Ducks goon extraordinaire George Parros has recently claimed the Hoser Nation Mustache of the Year award with his classic Super Villain look as seen to the right.College Hockey
BREAKING NEWS!!! Maine is still an irredeemable cesspool that serves as a home to cheating, inbred, animal assaulting deviants that are also pedophiles.
In other news, Brokeback College named NH native and former US Gold Medalist Katie King their new head coach in Women's Hockey. Now while I'm sure the women's team wont be using Madonna's "Like A Virgin" as their locker room theme song, it will remain the theme for the BC Women's superfans. The team will use a remastered version of a Dave Matthew's classic, appropriately titled "So Mutch to Say".
The Red Sox
There aren't enough good things we can say about the old town team and their hot start thus far. There are also not enough things we can say about that team of overpaid and broken down chumps from New York. I could go on forever about how the once mighty Mariano Rivera fell faster than Chris Bourque's BU GPA. We could even further delve into how they have burned on the likes of Crazy Carl Pavano, No Show Roger Clemens, Bobby "special K'd" Abreu, and Kei "Not Daisuke" Igawa. But instead we are gonna focus on the single largest prime example of what it means to be an NY Skank. When you think of an overpaid,cheating, arrogant, useless, selfish, waste of a roster spot that has that certain essence of scumbag about them, you must be thinking of the one and only A-Fraud. As if his over sized contract, infamous limp wristed purse slap in 04, his recent display of Proviced like goonery against the Sox on Dustin Pedroia, and his general demeanor that has the more respectable NY fans hating him, he's at again. Some of you I'm sure has heard of his recent Mainer-esque cheating up in Toronto which involved him yelling a deceptive "mine" to a 3rd basemen which resulted in his team scoring a run en route to a win. And the papers and other tabloids wont let us forget that he was spotted heading to a strip club with a blond woman that was not his wife. Now of course Red Sox Nation was not going to let this incident go unnoticed. In fact, the faithful even found A-Fraud a whole contingency of gorgeous blonde's for him to choose from.
In other Sox related news, this season will mark the 1st time that the San Francisco Giants will be making a visit to Fenway. This of course means the face of the Balco Corp will be in town. That's right ladies and Hosers, the Kingpin of steroids Barry Bonds will face the Green Monster. My sources from Boston, have reported that tickets for this interleague match up has been all the talk at Brokeback College, as several BC Douchebags have attempted to setup a gathering for them to meet with any San Franciscans making the trip. The gathering has been tentatively titled "The fabulously collar up meet and greet". Hoser Nation also managed to get a quick interview with Barry Bonds to get his thoughts on his 1st trip to Boston. This video provides a short summary of how this interview went.
That's all your news for now, stay tuned for your weekly fix of all the Hoser goodness you could ever ask for
Good day, Eh
Rouge
4 comments:
You spell much like that not mutch.
True, but when you want to use the title of that song to make a mockery of a certain former BC Women's coach, you spell it "Mutch"
Actually, I hate to do this, but Tom Mutch does spell his name with a "T."
Didn't realize that's what you were getting at or that was his name. You can tell how closely I've been following the story.
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