Summertime Mail Call

Quote/video/random thing of the week: This Public Service Announcement will not only keep even Smokey McHoser from smoking, but it shows the dangers of ingesting large amounts of steroids and cocaine



Well, now with that done with, it's been awhile since we've looked in the Hoser Nation mailbag, lord knows how many pathetic Mainers have jumped off bridges thinking we've been ignoring them, which we have. Let's get into it, 1st up we've got Debbie from Sandown:


Dear Hosers,

Alot of cultures have myths and stories about alot of unusual creatures (Yeti, Bigfoot, the LochNess Monster, Oggie Ogglethorpe) Does Hoser Nation have any stories like that?


Why yes we do Debbie. Gather around children, and I will tell you a tale of a horrifying and pitiful beast. There has long been stories and rumors of a monstrous oaf that roams the incest laden land of Maine, this unusual creature is said to rarely go into public, except at night, when it goes into the barns of Maine to stalk it's prey. No it does not slaughter the livestock, but it does assault it in a very disturbing way...This is the tale of Barnyard Ben. Several farmers have claimed to have found proof of Barnyard Ben's dirty deeds done to sheep all across Northern Maine. It has reached such epidemic levels that this mythical moron is the reason that the barns of Maine now include locks and cameras. But that has never stopped him. These are the 2 best known photographs of this elusive best, shown here, and here (#30). Then again many scientists have dismissed this myth as it is widely known that the description and behaviors of Barnyard Ben are not really different at all from the rest of the Mainer population.

Next up we have Mark from the Mecca of Civilized man better known as Londonderry:

Hosers!
I've heard there is quite the guest list in store for this years edition of Hoserfest, care to elaborate?

Excellent timing for this question Mark. It just so happens I have the agenda of events and the special guest list for Hoserfest 07, and it includes events such as:
-The red carpet arrival of all the Hosers
-2007 UNH Hockey Alumni Game
-Hosers on the lake
-Rum!!!
-The annual congress of Hosers session by campfire
-A number of possible quotebook worthy sayings (mostly from Darci more than likely)
-Special Guest appearances and performances by: Aerosmith, Dave Matthews, Dropkick Murphy's, Tom Brady, David Hasselhoff, Jessica Alba (if she ever gets off of me), Daisuke Matsuzaka, Jack Nicholson, Bobby Orr, Scarlett Johanssen (if she ever gets tired of me) and Pearl Jam.

Finally.......oh..what a surprise....the next 2,000 letters are all from "Shawwwn", and he asks in all 2,000 letters:

HEY HOSERS!!!!!!!!!
How about me being on that guest list for Hoserfest?

Well "Shawwwn", getting on the guest list is tough, but I'll give you a chance, if you can successfully defend an all out blitz from the entire New England Patriots Defensive corps, break Dave Ball's touchdown record in a single game, and defeat Ahhnold in an arm wrestling match.....then we'll think about it.

That's all for now, check back in the coming weeks for the Hoserfest recap, stay classy and as always,

Good day, Eh!
Rouge