Yes, ladies and Hosers, we are almost there. The leaves are changing colors, the temperatures are dropping, Mainers continue to live with false hope, and the ice is in at the Whitt once again. Soon enough a new season will be upon us. The good guys in blue are back on Lake Whittemore, tickets will soon be available, and then all will be well with the world. But for now.... headlines!
-As we all have noticed, this offseason saw another high rate of big name players making the jump to the NHL. The now-impeached mayor is still working within the abysmal world known as the New York Islanders system. While he remains here in Durham for his senior year Mr. Regan continues to gain exceptional praise from the Black and Gold. BC's favorite cuddle-sieve Cory Schneider turned in his pink shirts and wine coolers for red plaid and Molson as he chose to dump Aiello in favor of Johnny Canuck. Former Mainer Tedy Purcell had a change of heart and decided that the morally and intellectually barren wasteland of Orono was not for him. So after the season, he opted to leave the land of a thousand violated cows and made for civilization.....Unfortunately, he completely got lost and wound up in Los Angeles instead. Not too long ago, we got in contact with another BC escapee who signed with Hollywood. However, he was not able to grant us an interview as he was on his way to play Sasquatch in an upcoming direct to DVD film, he was kind enough to pass along this 8x12 to all of us in Hoser Nation, to show his admiration for us all despite being on the wrong team his whole college career.
-The UNH Football season kicked off about a week ago, and have once again made another BCS Bowl team suffer the agony of defeat as Marshall became the latest giant slain at the hands of the Durham gridiron crew. One of the biggest concerns of this season is how the team will perform without the recently departed Corey Graham and of course Dave Ball. Well, we here at Hoser Nation have been hard at work trying to help them out. With cloning out of the picture, we had to get a little creative...Being a former nose tackle, I've always been partial to defense, so I decided the best offense is a defense that would make a UFC Champ shit his pants...So starting at inside linebacker next game will be Maggie Joyce.
-And finally with school being back in full swing and all the women of UNH still in deep mourning over not having me living in Durham on a full time basis anymore, the campus has undergone a series of changes to the landscape and lifestyle of Durham. Demerrit Hall now lies in ruins, Fairchild is getting a face lift, the crosswalks are now marked with cobblestone, Hayden Sports is now in the same building as the Outback, and a truly grievous crime of crimes....DHOP pizza after 11pm is now a $1.50 rather than the traditional $1. Now while there isn't really much we can do about DHOP due to increased prices on cheeses and such, the University has consulted Hoser Nation for the next stage of renovations to the campus. At long last, The UNH School of Hoserology Department of Alcohol Sciences and Drunk and Disorderly Behavior will get their own building! Be sure to check next semester for classes in Beer Sampling, Brewing, Beer Goggle Sciences, Foreign Booze not legal in the US, Competitive Drinking Sciences, and Hangover Prevention. Also of note a new residence community is in the works for graduate students who prefer to keep their stays in Durham more on the long term side. The Gibney and Yacobson Halls will be open in the fall of 2008.
That's all for now, be sure to stay tuned as we approach a new season and take a look at some of the places we'll be going to cause more disturbances and disarray. Until next time, as always,
Good day, Eh!
Rouge
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