Top 10 Hoser Nation Questions for 07-08 (No...It still isn't Merrimack's Year)

Quote of the Week:



Yes, that man is our feared and dominant closer that is supposed to be "pure rage" on the mound.

I'll begin this by answering yet another question, Yes, Darci, they decided to start the season a week later simply for the purposes of causing you some more pre-season anxiety. For those who have not seen it yet, the Hockey East Pre-season Coach's Poll is out and it looks a little something like this:

1. UNH
Brokeback College
3. Beancan Univ
4. Mainers
5. Zoo-Mass
MVU
7. North-leastern
8. Proviced
9. Low-ell
10. Merri-mat


No surprises there really. We are fast approaching the beginning of a new season. Of course there are several questions about 07-08 that we have been pondering throughout the off season. And yours truly has taken it upon myself to give you the most informed and in some ways the most offensive and Mainer degrading answers possible. So let us begin:


10. Will this finally be the year North-leastern breaks through the Beanpot Tourney?

If your definition of "breaks through" is possibly beating Cambridge Community College in the consolation game, than maybe.


9. Is MVU primed to step up into the top 4 in the league?

Hmmm...could happen, but I think the Cat-A-Frauds would have to consider cancelling their usual midseason activities that seem to be the cause of their past late season swoons. Both the annual freshman-elephant walkathon and Christmas "Get baked" sale will have to go.


8. Can Low-ell find redemption after nearly getting the axe?

The Pigeons may have found a way to pass the test of their board of trustees, but Wee-Man Blaise couldn't pass the Lowell PD's sobriety test. How can you expect much of the slum scum if their own coach can't stand on his phonebooks to see over the bench without stumbling over drunk. I think the more important issue is whether Low-ell can realize that the number of stab wounds they inflict wont count on the scoreboard.


7. Will Merri-mat be hosting their annual basement bonanza this season?

Merri-mat getting out of the cellar? That would require them getting past the basement door that I just put a "pull" sticker on when it is in fact a "push" door...So along with the fact they consistently achieve complete failure over the years, that door conundrum will keep them stuck in the cellar for another year.

6. Is Proviced finally going to have that breakout year?

A lot of people among the Proviced people seem to think every year is finally going to be the year they get back into the thick of things in Hockey East. Look how right they've been over those years they thought it was going to happen...More pressing questions they should be contemplating is whether or not the Foxy Lady is going to accept their traditional "Early HE Playoff Exit" discount or if their really is life after Provi-dance at Schneider...The answer to both is most likely no.

5. Will Zoo-Mass get home-ice for the second straight season?

They are classless and now Jon Quick-less. Such aspirations might just be hope-less for the mindless and hopeless of Amherst.

4. Who will emerge victorious in the Comm Ave Battle between Collar Poppers and Toy Poodles?

Beancan U lost their Hobey Baker winning goalie that never was. Franken-Boyle and Gerbe's Cuddlesieve have left Brokeback College to ponder their season over wine coolers. The Beanpot....still irrelevant to the rest of the World. But what the hell, let these two beat the crap out of each other. Who's gonna win the series this year, I'm not sure. What I do know is that those BU fans still got bruised egos from all those wasted "Hobey Baker" chants for John Curry, and the Metrosexuals of Newton will spend more time playing Teddy Bear with Gerbe and thinking Mommy and Daddy's money make them better than everyone else, rather than getting to a game on time.

3. What kind've team will come out of the barren wastelands of Maine this year?

Well, we know per Mainer traditions, it will be a team of Inbred Barnyard Sexual Deviants. Now the issue is whether this edition of the Scum of the Earth will be one that can consistently compete against everyone, or will it be like last year's edition that had to count on an extremely easy bracket placement in the NCAA's to save them some face among their cousin dating fan-base. Two things are certain: It's never OK to be a Mainer, and that proverbial guillotine is still hanging over Timmay's head.

2. What strange and mind-boggling adventures await the Hosers this season?

With trips to visit all the usual suspects on top of a trip to the vast and censored lands of NoDak and whatever other strange trips and misdirections we happen to come across, it could be a year to remember, unless your like Grandpa Hoser, whose dementia often causes him to mistake his more recent memories for his days of playing stick-ball with a pack of Tyrannosaurs'.

1. And most grave of all questions.....Will this finally be THE year?

Time will tell....time will tell.

That's all for now Ladies and Hosers, see you all next week as we kick off another season of shenanigans. Until then GO SOX and of as always,

Good day, Eh!

Rouge

PS: Johnathan Papelbon is still looking for his pants, please keep your eyes open for them as he can't see well through that Bud Light box on his head.