Annnnddd Here we go again

Quote of the Week:
"They were swimming into my ass!"
-Darci

Hold onto your tuques and make sure your molsons are good and frosty, because the 07-08 season is finally upon us! Lake Whittemore has opened for business once again and so have your heroes who once set out to make the world a better place for all Hoser-kind. The Good Guys in Blue open up this season's campaign with a high profile matchup against the Junior Varsity Black swatch Plaids of the University of New Brunswick.....Yes I know, Canadian Colleges are just an expensive form of sub par junior hockey leagues.


While your heroes began the new year without the Token Hoser, O.T Hoser, Doc (who the hell works during a hockey game anyway?), and Grandpa Hoser's usual incoherent ramblings of how Hockey was played with large wooden clubs and over sized boulders back in his day (aka the Jurassic Era), we were graced by a long overdue appearance of the Hanson Brothers. They brought with them the foil and tales of the great Eddie Shore, Toe Blake, Dit Clapper, and that one guy Joe drafted that used to get deliberate penalties so he could get by himself in the penalty box and........well you get the idea.


Of course while this game meant nothing to standings and such, it was in fact the long awaited debut of the highly touted JVR. All eyes were indeed on him, except for the moments when our eyes turned towards the UNB backup goalie who clearly became the early front runner for "Douchebag Haircut of the Year" as shown in this artists rendering. After the traditional Canadian Anthem and Star Spangled Banner which was performed the apparently resurrected Luther Vandros, the season began!

1st Period.
With the Bell of Death and Destruction in hand and a whole new drone of freshmen fans to brainwash, everything seemed OK for the 1st 5 minutes, then we fell behind 1-0...Not a big deal, an easily surmountable lead.

2nd Period
And we are now down 2-0 and the team doesn't seem to be gelling all that much yet, no big still early and it's only 2-0, wait no, make that 3-0...What the hell?! Then Hoser Nation is given a reason to celebrate besides Godfather Hosers Birthday and the baked confections that came with it. JVR tallied his 1st point as a Wildcat with a wrister so nasty, the Scum of the Earth in Orono felt it. So now it's 3-1, JVR got his 1st goal and as an added bonus, beat up a few of the JV Reds and stole their lunch money (even if it all was in Canadian currency). Meanwhile, it's become very clear that picking quotes of the week is going to be exceptionally difficult this year, as 5 of every 6 things Doug says is noteworthy and puzzling all together.

In other news, Mainers are still an abomination and a mockery to the human spirit, Cleveland pitcher C.C Sabathia changes his name to "F.F" to better describe his overall effectiveness against the Sox, and President Elect Smokey McHoser still plots his world conquest...for Niccodogs.

3rd Period
Is that a paranormal presence I feel? It must be the Ghost of Ryan Whitney! The specter of the Greatest BU defenseman in UNH history made it's mark with a 3rd period goal to make it a 3-2 game. Momentum seemed to be swinging back our way when UNB answered. The Official Referee of Godfather Hoser seemed to be very whistle happy this evening, so one can assume he A. Forgot it was Godfather's birthday (FOR SHAME GRAVEL!!!!) and B. He probably didn't get the autographed and gold framed 8x12 photo of him and Matt yet. Meanwhile in sect 123, the Hosers stay true to form and let the randomness flow like river water as Darci describes to us her apparent romantic encounters with Dolphins........At this point, the tone is set for the rest of the year

JVR tacks on his second goal of the game, but it was all too late as the Good Guys in Blue dropped the exhibition to the JV morons in Red 4-3. As this game meant nothing from the start, it is a loss that can be brushed aside like the hopes and dreams of a Mainer. Besides, Canada isn't a real country anyway. More importantly, the Hosers are back in business and ready for another year.

Stay tuned next week as the real games begin with our traditional visit to Comm Ave and the Beancan U Miniature Poodles. So get the Hoser Express ready, plug in your light brights, and slap a Mainer in the face for good luck, for we make for Boston come Friday. Until such time, as always,

Good day, Eh!
Rouge