Tuesday, November 13, 2007

From the Squallers of Lowell to Popped Collars. A weekend with the RiverPigeons and Metrosexual Eagles

Quote of the Week:
"At least it wasn't another Horse"
-Most of Hoser Nation in regards to yet another piece of Orono Scum getting in trouble with the law

http://www.uscho.com/news/college-hockey/id,14606/MaineHockeyPlayerChargedWithAssaultUnlawfulSexualTouching.html

Well ladies and Hosers, we certainly found ourselves in an unusual schedule this past weekend. Friday evening we would find ourselves entertaining the alcoholic midget led Stabbing River-Pigeons. The next night we went from the homicidal lushes of lower-class Massachusetts to the Silver Spooned Bags of Douche from so-called upper class Massachusetts.



Friday Night vs Low-ell

Allow me to ask you a question. What could possibly be more worth poking fun at than a midget who got busted for DUI even though he can't see above the steering wheel? The answer is a midget that gets busted for DUI that can't see over the steering wheel who also happens to be the coach of a subpar team from Lowell that nearly got axed by their own board of trustees.

As if being from Lowell wasn't enough ammunition for your heroes.

So it was unofficially Blaise-d MacDonald night at Lake Whittemore. There was the singing of the newly remastered version of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall", plenty of straight lines pre-painted on the ice so Blaise-d could attempt to redeem himself, local police were on hand and ready with breathalyzers, and of course plenty of complementary and commemorative nip bottles of Absolut Vodka.


Blaise-d didn't seem to appreciate the significance of the event.


Despite impressive goal scoring from the likes of Mr. Thompson and Mr. Flashains once again, and a strong goaltending outing from Mr. Foster, The RiverPigeons were able to escape Durham with a hard fought tie. The offense did have more success on the ice than Blaise-d did in convincing those Lowell cops that the bottle of Smirnoff Ice he had didn't hit him as much as the sobriety test said. There was also a surprisingly low amount of penalties considering the high homicide rate Lowell has.....away from Lowell itself.



Saturday Night vs Brokeback College

The 1st tilt between the Good Guys in Blue and the Collar Poppers had some unique circumstances them this year. 1st of all, as we all know the Metrosexuals from Newton (not Boston) no longer have Franken-Douche Boyle and BC's favorite Cuddlesieve Schneider at their disposal. But as gametime rolled around it was revealed that they would be without several of their key players including everyone's favorite little leprechaun bitch Nathan Gerbe who had been suspended by Hockey East Dick-tator Bertagna for a "Butt Ending" incident not previously seen in a previous game.....This more than likely explains why Aiello was skating more gingerly than usual saturday night.



And so begins the game. Early on Mr. Radja showed that not even trust-funds can save the opposition from the Ghost of Ryan Whitney. Nor could their mommy and daddy's fortunes they got from embezzling money stop Mr. Collins (Not Sean) from dangling his way past the Brokeback Coll Sieve who isn't Schneider.

BC managed to tie the game up at 2 a piece in the 3rd period. But instead of a game ending, rave starting fog, the Douche Bags from Newton got themselves Mr. Flashains doing his best impression of Muffin Man Pollastrone by floating a danish of a shot past their frosh sieve for the lead. Later on Mr. Switzer let a shot from the top of the circle go and made it a 4-2 game.

Yes...I just said Switzer scored to make it a 4-2 game. Perhaps a turnaround is in the works

Brokeback Coll was much chippier than usual this evening, possibly making up for Gerbe's absence. Gravel himself was much more subpar than usual. Clearly he forgot his favorite Hockey East fan was in attendance as always.

Meanwhile, Jerrrwy York is sending a frantic telegram to Vancouver desperately looking for his real goaltender. And in Orono, The Proviced Friars were taking the ruler to the scum of the earth for the second night in a row.

With the lead at 4-2, the Good Guys in Blue were not done with their foe this evening. So leave it to Mr. Highlight Reel himself to put it away. Reemer dangled his way through his limp wristed opponents and burned the Brokeback Sieve for the nail in the douchebag's coffins.

UNH 5, BC 2....And we feel better again.

That's all for now Hosers, be on the lookout for the latest volume of the "Hoser Nation Jazzercise" DVD in stores. Features all the latest dance moves that you have to be truly specialed or really loaded to be able to successfully execute. See you all Friday, Goodnight Canada, and as always,

Good day, Eh!
Rouge

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