The Whiteout of the Whiteout

Quote of the Week:

Jon: Maine at full strength

Student Section: That's Debatable!
Smokey McHoser: And his girlfriend is inflatable!

Happy Festivus Ladies and Hosers, the Christmas season is upon us and the 1st half of the season has come to a close with the Good Guys in Blue tied for 1st with the NUtered Huskies in the madness that has been bizarro Hockey East. Of course the 1st half could not end without us continuing the never ending quest to marginalize and mock the scum of the earth better known as the Mainers.

Traditionally, Whiteout the Whitt is among the most sacred of Hoser days of celebration, as Lake Whittemore hits a fever pitch and good times are abound as our favorite band of inbred failures provide us with nothing but humor from their obvious evolutionary shortcomings. When the schedule 1st came out for the season, we were lead to believe that the annual bout with the Mainers would take place on a Saturday as it usually does. However, the braintrusts of ESPN who have in the past decided to cover Mexican Belt Fighting over providing coverage for hockey at any level, decided that they wanted to have the coverage rights for the game. So in a blatant and unforgivable act of defiance to every law in Hoser Nation, ESPNU rescheduled the game for a Sunday 4pm start. According to my sources, ESPN didn't want to keep the game on Saturday as they had already booked coverage for this riveting event that evening

Of course the Sunday they chose just happened to be the same day that a lovely Nor'Easter that featured everything from heavy snow to freezing rain came through NH. And of course the day the game was originally scheduled for was a clear and cold night. To top it all off, ESPNU didn't even send the Man With The Golden Mullet, Barry Melrose to cover the game. So with an apparent skeleton crew of an audience on tap for the night, White out the Whitt would look more like dress like an empty seat night. The faithful that did attend waited and waited for word that the game would go on......Obviously fearing a backlash of unending wrath from a certain Queen of Hosers and society potentially breaking down into sectarian violence, at 11am, yours truly brought the joy inspiring news to the masses that the game was in fact on.

On the bright side, the Hoser-Dome certainly smelled alot better with more Mainers opting to stay in the barns to snuggle with Dolly the sheep and Mr. Ed.

The Student Section however, did show up in full force (obviously needing to be in the awe-inspiring presence of the Hosers to give them strength for the upcoming finals week).

From the start you could tell this wasn't going to be your typical UNH vs Maine matchup. Tanner House was still in shock that he actually hit on a girl that wasn't his cousin or a horse, and Ben Bishop continues to be haunted by the never-ending nightmares of the day when the now former Mayor of Durham leveled him harder than reality levels the hopes and dreams of all of Maine. Well, I'm sure the Incest riddled fools in Orono will still blame Trevor Smith for Mr. Butler scoring the 1st goal of this game.

Between periods, it was reported that more UMaine administrators were encouraging students to make "Voodoo and resurrecting the Dead" their major moreso than usual. It was also reported that a several dozen phone calls were made to Detroit in order to try and convince Jimmy Howard that he still had some eligibility left.

Throughout the 2nd and 3rd period, the sad Mainers continued to try and get back into the game, however true to form, Mr Regan denied them more times than their aunts at the latest speed dating seminar errr ummm family reunion. As the clock ticked away toward the end of the game, Mr. Leblanc put home the nail in the coffin empty net goal, that sealed away a 2-0 win for the Good Guys in Blue!

Then came the fun of digging out our vehicles while the Mainers went to dig out their wives/horses for their trek back to the cardboard box tralier parks. Thankfully despite the difficult and perilous conditions, the Hosers proved once again that they are truly among the world's finest heroes of heroes and all got home in one piece. Requests have been made to UNH to furnish us a sort've six-wheel drive super vehicle to serve as our company car. We asked for something like this. Talks of a Hoser-Copter are still in the works as well

That's all for now ladies and Hosers, to close this installment of my ramblings, I say this to ESPNU, next time you want to mess with our schedule; at least send Melrose to greet us, or we shall send Maggie Joyce to greet you...with PAIN!!! Check back sometime monday or tuesday for the Annual Christmas special. Goodnight Canada, and of course as always,

Good day, Eh!

Rouge