Maine 2"
SORRY MAINERS, RADJA OWN YOU NOW
Good Guys in Blue Conqueor SnOrono
Welcome back ladies and Hosers. Theres one weekend a year where your heroes are kind enough to pay a visit to a place in the world that is completely devoid of any intelligence or decency. This place is of course, the bottomless pitt for the scum of the Earth better known as Orono, Maine. For one weekend a year, we make the journey to the trailer-trash townhouse (aka Alfond Arena) and do our part to remind these sad and sorry fools of the running joke that is their pitiful lives. Heres some of the sights and sounds from a weekend with the Mainers.
-In game 1 of the weekend tilt, the good guys were down in the 1st, but of course Mike "Black Bear Slayer" Radja changed that at a speed that almost matched the average duration of a Waammherst Masshole trying to get lucky.
-Yours truly had the burden of attempting to get to Orono late and through some occassionally difficult traveling conditions. Upon further review of my dangerous trek of battling the elements, Mainers and the occassional Masshole behind the wheel, I conclude that all Hoser vehicles should be equipped with Zamboni tires.
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We are all aware that Mainers tend to have their own standards in the realm of acceptable attire and style. But Doc Hoser uncovered this true rare gem of a photograph. This is a prime example of the wildly popular Fem-Mullet that is fast becoming the latest hairstyle for the inbred and those of an undetermined gender. Also of note is his/hers jersey, which is among the newest style among Orono failures. The new Nike/Bauer Umaine "Deviants series" celebrates their illustrious tradition of fighting the law, and losing to it. Here we have the latest editions in this new line of Mainer attire
- Godfather Hoser found himself playing a much more visibly effective role than usual this weekend. Whenever Benji Bitch-op found himself at the Hoser's end of the ice, the big blue sieve was constantly looking over his shoulder at the Godfather. With his #23 jersey of the Former Mayor of Durham, it became apparent Bitch-op was having flashbacks to the night he was struck down on Lake Whittemore. Naturally, Godfather quickly took the role of "Scare-Smith" and reveled in the stink of the Sieve's fear....Or maybe that was just the smell of taint from their Violation laden banners.
-In past visits, most Mainers around us have somewhat cordial and have welcomed our awe-inspiring presence. This year we were surrounded by bitter old fogeys, community college dropouts, and future Burger King employees. Some were actually brazen enough to challenge us to fisticuffs! Normally we would gladly oblige them, but what fun could possibly be had in knocking other people's teeth out when they never had any to begin with. Still, I find myself completely baffled at just how bitter these sad fools really were. Could it be that they are jealous of our ability to date people outside the family tree? Our preference to date actual human beings and not equine? Our well-cared for pearly whites? or maybe it's because our team isnt built upon a foundation of cheating and lying? Then again, it's probably just because they all suck at life while we dont.
-DOWN GOES BITCH-OP AGAIN!!!!! DOWN GOES BITCH-OP!! Mr. Dries paid homage to the former Mayor by making the big blue sieve relive the most traumatic moment in his miserable life (besides the moment where he chokes in the frozen four to Mich St, and how they got eliminated in Wammherst, and I guess you can add the moment where he hands the puck and empty net goal to Radja later in this very game). Meanwhile, Godfather laughs a sinister laugh in his Mayor jersey.
-Regan....ya, he owns the scum of the Earth too.
-Mainers:"We got 2, how bout you!
Hosers: "WE GOT 4! CANT YOU READ THE SCORE?"
-I truly believe Darci could've knocked out that one ass-clown mainer who thought our support of the Good Guys in Blue waranted him contemplating punching the mighty hosers. Speaking of which, her longstanding feud with Banannas the Black Bear goes on with no resolution in sight..Odds of the anticipated "strip off" contest between the two actually happening....Are slim to none.
-Im sorry to report that most of the Mainers in attendance were apparently suffering from some form of severe brain damage (moreso than the usual damage that is inherent to Mainers). While they constantly tried to remind the Hosers of how they made it to the Frozen Four, they seemed to forget how they wound up failing miserably there. But of course, im sure the only thing they remember were the clydesdales.
-Despite all the negavity directed towards your heroes, we once again proved we were the better group in this trailer park of a rink. We promised to send the Mainers a postcard from Boston in March.
-In short, WHEN YOU SAY MAINE BLACK BEARS!!! YOU SAID NINTH PLACE!!!!!
With the foul Mainers vanquised and kicked to the curb, we were given the ultimate reward for our weekend efforts...Being able to go back to New Hampshire and not having to be back in SnOrono till next season.
Thats all for now ladies and Hosers. Be back next week with a recap of the weekend with the Goons from Proviced. Practice your Provi-dancing, Good night Canada, and of course, as always,
Good day, Eh!
Rouge
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