Dazed and Confused with the Cat-A-Frauds

Quote of the Week:
"You need to hang out more with older people"

-Ankur on Darci's on-going status as sole care-giver to all the children of Strafford

So we've reached that all too bittersweet point in the season ladies and Hosers. The final weekend of the regular season where we honor our departing seniors, look towards the playoffs, and give the Mainers even more shit for being inbred failures that will find themselves on probation for equestrian date-rape more than a few times in life. This weekend, the Good Guys in Blue had to face a different kind've failure. The EZAC castoff Bong Blazing and Hazing MVU Cat-A-Frauds were in town, so naturally there was a campus wide warning out about being wary of strange brownies being left around Lake Whitt.

Wait who is that emerging through the fog in the distance? It's an OT Hoser and Grandpa Hoser who has himself found his way through the fog of his tequila induced Alzheimer's! More suggestions are being taken for the name of the Hoser-Child of the Future (despite Erinn having much better ideas in mind) Leading Candidates include: Hobey, Vladislav Hoser, Jose Cuervo II, Schwartzbauer, Roboshark, and my personal favorite Jean-Guy Chevais III.

On to game 1:

Doc Hoser got the chance to observe one of the most reknowned traditions in Cat-A-Fraud lore. The standard MVU warmup run. While he was unable to catch a photograph of this trot around the concourse, his description of the event has resulted in this artist's rendering and really no one should be surprised by it.

In a show of complete defiance to MVU traditions, the perpetual frosh better known as Bob Butler struck not once, but twice against the Stoner Sieve, causing Fallon to go into a reefer freak-out.

Meanwhile elsewhere in Hockey East, while the Good Guys in Blue and Beancan U have their spots in the postseason locked up, several teams were fighting for their hopeless playoff lives. Sadly I must report that even after a season of slight hope, Merri-mat season was declared dead as of 9:23pm. Cause of death was determined to be Merri-Mat being Merri-Mat. Elsewhere, the Mainers were revived after briefly flatlining vs the River Pigeons. At this point, they are on life support with a extremely long line of people wanting to pull the plug on them.

Back at the Lake, just when it seemed the Cat-A-Frauds had themselves a moment of hope, Mr. Leblanc brought them down faster than a joint of extra strength hash. Also of note, during the course of the game, Smokey McHoser was not the only one irked about the extinction of the smoking doors at Lake Whittemore. The MVU failures that made the journey were equally upset that smoking wont be an option come next season. One Cat-A-Fraud was quoted saying: "We went to all this trouble getting these UVM diplomas and now we can't even smoke them? That's repression man!"

Onto Senior Night:

Here we salute the class of 2008: Stuart Fricke, Crag Switzer, Brad Flashains, Mike Radja, Kevin Regan, and of course Matt "Just give me the Hobey cause my girlfriend is a Patriots Cheerleader and SI Swimsuit model and yours isn't" Fornataro. Also honored were OT and Grandpa Hoser who got themselves another round of gifts for the Hoser Child of the Future. And in a rare moment, Darci surrendered the throne....or something like it to OT Hoser for the evening.

Wanna know a fast way to kill a decent buzz in the crowd? Get into a situation where there is a delayed call against the other team, and then make a centering pass that ends up going the length of the ice towards your own empty net...and watch it hit the post.

There was a surprising number of MVU Reefers around Lake Whittemore this time around, some speculate this is because they figured they could stay down here a couple days and grow a new stash while the rain washes away all the snow. Some believe the goofy stoners showed up thinking they were in time for the Ziggy Marley show.....from 4 years ago. But time tends to fly by when your higher than Mount Washington of course

Despite some impressive efforts by honored seniors Mr. Radja, Regan, and Hobey Fornataro, MVU earned themselves a successful night at Lake Whittemore. But despite the loss, Hoser Nation had a reason to celebrate. For word had reached the masses about results from across the league, and not long afterwards, the stone-masons of New Hampshire outdid themselves with this masterpiece of masterpieces.In their own pitiful words:

HEY MAINERS! YOU'RE OUT OF HERE!!!!

So, now that the trash has been taken out. The real games begin. The Good Guys in Blue open the Hockey East Playoffs against our old friends from WAaaaammherst. Stay tuned for more playoff related fun this week. See you all friday, Good night Canada, and of course, as always,

Good day, Eh!

Rouge