Vote Rouge for Commissioner in 2010!!!

Quote of the Week:

"If you don't like this kid, then you just don't like your mother"

-Dwight Evans on Dustin Pedroia

Welcome to the New and Improved scriptures Ladies and Hosers! Hopefully now I will be able to make something of a Mario Lemieux-esque comeback to greatness in order to save you all with my words of wisdom.

As many of you can imagine, I'm still mourning the unjust demise of the Black and Gold (hence the Black and Gold layout, in Honor of a still great season to remember) and somewhat discouraged in the possibility of an incredibility boring Cup final. So unsurprisingly, these events made me remember all the ways the NHL has completely disappointed me over the past decade or so. Of course, I've already made a similar post in the past about how to save the NHL, but now I'm ready to take it one step further.

Right now, that Blackberry guy in Ontario wants to own an NHL team, the ESPN Sports Guy wants to be the GM of the Minnesota Timberwolves. So Fuck it, I'm announcing my candidacy to become the new Commissioner of the National Hockey League!

Crazy you say? Absurd and ridiculous you think? Well hey, lets consider who the current guy in charge is. The same one that took the league that was at least on stable ground in the early 90's, and then pretty much sent it to hell and oversaw the first cancelled season in all the major sports in North America. But before I continue to rip into Mr. Bettman any further, lets look at the very few ways he may have gotten things right.

1. Promoting the new generation of stars: I could do without the unhealthy man-crush he has on Cindy Crosby and Ovechkin, but for the most part, their definitely has been a shift in how the league is marketing it's players which is good considering rising talents like Kane and Toews in Chicago, Phaneuf in Calgary, and of course Lucic out here.
2. The obstruction penalties-I originally was against this as it was called so often in the beginning, but now it seems the players have adjusted and the game is faster.
3. The apparent return of old time hockey- Within the last two seasons, their seems to be a lot more aggression out there which is a good sight for traditionalist fans and a good way to lure new fans
4. The Outdoor Game- An absolutely great spectacle and the fact that it does count in the regular season makes it mean something. With Fenway being the next likely host (I will be looking into tickets FYI), Cities like Philly (Lincoln Financial Field), New Jersey (Giants Stadium), and even NY (Yankee Stadium) could be next. But I'd be hesitant about NY, mostly because if they have A-Fraud drop the ceremonial puck, it would be the first big steroid scandal to hit hockey

And now, this is where I come in and begin the Reign of Rouge to save the world of Pro Hockey. Here are the decrees set forth by the soon-to-be benevolent-ish dictator.

The Contractions and Re-Locations: What amount of crack and heroin was Bettman smoking when he thought that moving teams from where hockey was alive and thriving to places that don't even have real winters?!?!?! Here is my list for teams that are either moving, on the brink, and going the way of the California Golden Seals
On the Brink

• Carolina-Maybe a little postseason hatred still stewing here, but I do acknowledge they do get great crowds now-a-days, but I'm fairly certain as soon as the team goes south in the standings, they would go back to tarping off the upper bowl again. But safe for now.
• Columbus- This is a market that I think could work once they string some more winning seasons, but have largely been an unknown since their inception.
• New Jersey- Some would think it absurd that I would put a recent 3-time cup champion in this column, but I think it's more absurd that a 3-Time Cup champion couldn't sell out for playoffs in either their old rink or the new one, and was even more embarrassing in the regular season.
  
• Dallas- Still on the fence here, but I am concerned where the team goes once Mike Modano calls it quits.

Same Faces, Different Places:

• Phoenix- It looks like it's bound to happen as it is, the only question is will be it be the return of the Hamilton Tigers, or the return of the Winnipeg Jets (my money is on the Jets as the owners clearly hate the Blackberry guy)
• NY Islanders-I truly hate the fact that one of the last real dynasties in hockey are now at the point where they can't get any help in either getting a new rink, or even fixing the complete crap tank they currently play in But if any of that doesn't happen, they'll be packing up for KC, Seattle, or the loser of the battle for the Coyotes (Winnipeg or Hamilton).

OOOHHHH SEE-YA!!!

• Atlanta- You'd think Bettman would've gotten the hint that hockey doesn't work in Atlanta the FIRST time Hockey failed there (see Atlanta to Calgary). Time to get Kovalchuck on a team where his talent will be appreciated.
  
• Anaheim- A lame Disney idea from the start, and supposedly they actually had to lure fans to their Stanley Cup celebration with free food..Not cool
• Nashville-Really...Nashville, Gary? Other parts of Canada or the Northern US didn't make sense but fucking Nashville did?
• Tampa Bay- Hockey team in Florida...enough said
• Florida- See above
• Montreal-....Well OK, I guess I can't cut them, but their uber metrosexual fans and the fact that they had Cirque Du Soleil for the All Star game are actually making Brokeback College look more like Chuck Norris

Places I think would be good for hockey (both old and new places)

• Seattle- This is an area desperate for a pro team at any level and already has high grade junior hockey thriving. Could develop a healthy rivalry with Vancouver
• Winnipeg- The originators of the White Out should have their team back
• Hamilton- They came as close as having a successful season ticket drive when the Blackberry guy nearly got Nashville
• The Maritime Provinces- I've always found it odd that no one tried to tap into this region of Canada
• Kansas City- Very on the fence with this, but I still remember when the Penguins were nearly moved there, and some out there had actually had KC Scouts jerseys made with Crosby's name on them, so there is interest and an appreciation of history.
  

And speaking of people and other things on their way out, We'll start with Colin "Can't do my Job" Campbell. The leagues chief disciplinarian has been completely inconsistent with how he does his job and everyone knows it. For example, and I apologize for using a Boston reference here: Milan Lucic tags a Hab-not in the head with a cross check, and gets a one game suspension. Upon retrospect, this was the right call to make but was not required by the rules. However, later in the playoffs, not one but two clowns on the Carolina Whaler-canes get instigator penalties in the final minute of a game ( See Scotty "Sucker-Punching Scum" Walker and Eric Bayda) which automatically calls for a one game suspension by the rules. "Can't do my Job" Campbell goes against his own rules and doesn't suspend either player. Oh and let's not forget about how he booted Sean Avery for multiple games for saying naughty words that had no bearing on the game whatsoever.

Also, it's about time we heard the oh-so classic hymn better known as the National Hockey Night theme again. VS hasn't been terrible, but if your looking for reaching out to new fans at all ages, it would be helpful to have regular exposure on a network that everyone has. And also put some more personality to it by having more than just the man with the Golden Mullet. Get the legendary Don Cherry on the show and Mike Milbury has really gotten my attention as well.

As it is late, I'll make my final revisions for the moment short and sweet. The instigator rule, gone. Let the players police the game as they have in the past (and as we previously mentioned, the rule isn't even correctly enforced). Forget the trapezoid for goalies. The shootout goes bye bye and we bring back ties. Go back to the Wales and Campbell Conference names (cause why not?). Why not take a page from college hockey's book of tricks by using an ESPN TV deal to have a big rivalry week on the schedule with historic rival games (Boston vs Montreal, NY vs NJ, Philly vs Pitt, Toronto vs Ottawa, Edmonton vs Calgary etc) to get the die hards glued to the TV and get some new people to see the game at a near playoff pitch.

That's all for the moment folks, stay tuned for some new rants and other absurdities I may point out...And now for a new portion I like to call "The Parting Shot"

Good day, Eh!
Rouge